Even Time Doesn't Surpass the Great Man

November, 11th 2011, I was having Field-Lab in a Community Health Centre Gantiwarno in somewhere around Klaten, near to Prambanan Temple. Unluckily I didn't get a chance for my first trip to the infamous ancient Hindu Temple. My groupmates said it would cost a lof of money for unworthy 2 hours looking at old ruins which already had been unoriginally restored after a destructive earthquake had years ago happened in the greater Yogyakarta. Still, I don't think spending 2 hours on the way reaching to a restaurant of mushrooms for only 1 hour of filling our stomachs was worthier than. Plus, the price of food was also competitive towards the money we might have had to spend if we had had our precious time used to learn about the old herritage from Sanjaya Dynasty.

The schedule for the Field-Lab on the day was to visit a village in which there was a man suspected to suffer from an infectious disease so called Tuberculosis. We would have to interview the other villagers around the man's domicile about their health condition, in regard they might have had a contact with and probably been transmitted by the infected man.

long short, we arrived at the Community Health Centre as early as we were

I am Hypnotized by...

OMFG! I'm just so much addicted to this song, and the video clip. Just can't resist the music and the video. I'm so much hypnotized by...this K-Pop song. DAMN! Probably near to the future I'll be one of those who are addicted to K-Pop as well.



I love the music most from parts 00:28-00:59 and 01:40-02:11
I love the video most from part 02:04-02:10
Just watch and you'll understand why. DAMN!!!

#2 no title

Lately, I've been feeling the same way as this song voices.

Lacking of Ideas?

And yes I have to admit that my whole life has become monotonously static; the very reason I started doing nothing but watching anime, and playing The Sims Social on Facebook. By "Ideas" I refer in the title, means either I no more update my blog with a bunch of magnificent stories, or no more feel any excitement in my daily life due to lacking of life's interesting experiences. If this were a game, supposedly I hadn't been leveled-up for so long since I gained no EXP.

I must confess that even now trying to write I make it with so many "pauses", looking for vocabularies and phrases fit in the post. As doing so, I try to brainstorm my least experienced less-than-one-year-left-adolescence for which I can share.

A very few hours ago I decided to be devoted to reading (again) the never-finished Shakespeare's one of the masterpieces, Antony and Cleopatra. It is an old book belongs to my father; he has more of Shakespeare's anyway. Probably his interest of literature really descends to me, and true it that none of my siblings show any interest to such thing. My father is also the only one who likes literature among his siblings. Speaking of which,

21st Century Girl

Lately I'm addicted to this song. Hail Willow Smith! Be a Star! Hahaha



Give me an inch
I promise I'll take a mile
Danger is beauty
I'll face it with a smile

I'm on a mission
With no restrictions
Don't second guess myself
I'm born to be wild

I'm the type of chick
That likes to rock the beat
I like to rock the beat
I like to rock, the rock the beat

[Chorus]

BIND 2011. motivation, inspiration, passion.

I've just returned from a week of adventure. Well, it was 2 days ago actually that I returned already, and that's not really an adventure (I was just exaggerating it a bit).

It was a debate tournament, BIND! If you've already read some of previous posts I made, you should know that I went to Jakarta to participate in BIND. Finally, after 1 year I hadn't debated and after 2 years I hadn't come to Binus International (the last 2 years was also BIND), I just had my debate again and it's BIND!! The British Parliamentary System and for this time, the scope was international one. Not to mention, but there were teams from Japan, Thailand, and Bangladesh. Supposedly there should've been 2 other teams from Korea, but somehow they hadn't told anything to the committee regarding to their cancellation (they had made their payment already, though).

After joining this tourney, I've realized that debate has become part of my life which I honestly don't want to lose it. BIND has made me understood how much I felt terrible for not joining any debate tournament for a whole year. Regardless of my degraded skills on debate, I feel so regretful to have let go of my own passion, and to have not cared about my own self. I can no longer let things this way to keep happening.

I, now, have just made a very hard decision.

#3 Random

I happened to look around of a friend's facebook, and I found these two interesting phrases:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it".
-Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover".
– Mark Twain


No wonder he debates very well. He's indeed a very briliant-minded guy.
Hope I can see you and hang-out with you again, Mark (Mark Solis).

Antisocial

I don't know whether I've ever talked about this before on my blog, but suddenly I feel like talking something that has just crossed my mind.

After one year I've been passing as a college student, and of course after being inspired by Gossip Girl season 4 that I watched a couple months ago, I now realize something important.

I used to think that entering college would mean I could start a new life, could be someone new, and could start over everything in life. In fact, that's all wrong. As Serena van Der Woodsen said in the series, "College is just high school with more expensive books".

I can never change the character that has

Rules of my family.

Rules in my family:

1. You are what parents judge you

2. No matter how good you are and how many good things you do, you are worse than a criminal when you are wrong and make a mistake.

3. Children are born to be the slaves of parents. Parents are equal to God and children are lower than animals.

4. There are no such as democracy and freedom. Children have no right to decide their future.

5. Children must obey every single word of parents, since children are no higher than robots.

6. Parents

#2 a little piece of my life I've had so far

First of all I'd like to say Happy Ied Mubarak to everyone. I beg on your forgiveness for every mistake I've ever done in life.

As usual, every post is the story of mine that mostly are about my fucking pathetic life.

I think I have to plan for my own death. Not only because I've got forefeeling that "my time" will soon elapse, but also because I can't stand this burden anymore. I'm fed up with everything my parents do and say. I just can't take it anymore. I can't stand when everything is always measured by money and prestige.

I regret that I decided to enter medical school. Not that I dislike the subjects, but because from the very beginning it was only for the purpose of money and prestige. I also hate it to be in medical school because this makes me have to give up all of my passions.

I didn't realize it that actually

Misfortune

The beginning of August 2011 was totally the opposite of the end of July 2011. There were many bad things happened to me. Bad luck!

1. I got sick on the first week of Fasting Month. It was just 3 days, but still was torturing me.

2. I couldn't participate in IMUN because my parents didn't want to pay the registration fee for me (as I mentioned in my previous post).

3. I wasn't accepted to participate in International Youth Day Conference held by GCC which will take place in Pacific Place.

4. many more

They all totally have got me depressed until now. I hate it when reality doesn't side with me. I just hate it.

By the end of July

Around the third and fourth weeks of July 2011, there were some surprises for me that I'd been waiting for. I know it's weird to call them as "surprise" when I say "I'd been waiting for them". The thing is, I'd already known for the news to come but I didn't expect them to happen due to my pessimism.

So, what are they?

1. I was accepted to be the member of the AMSA-INA White Paper Team for the East Asian Medical Students Conference (EAMSC) 2012 in Singapore.

To make it simpler, I will attend the EAMSC on January 2012 in Singapore because I become the team's member. Lucky for me my parents've allowed me participate in and agreed to fund me. Now I will have to work hard with my teammates to finish the White Paper because later we'll give presentation about Indonesia's Healthcare System Policy

A Story in Jakarta Model United Nations (JMUN) 2011

June, 26th - 30th 2011 was a very great week for me, and I am so grateful to ever have that week. I participated in Jakarta Model United Nations (JMUN) in General Assembly Social Culture and Humanitarian (GA SOCHUM) committee as a delegate of Yemen. Although at the first my parents didn't allow me to participate in, but then after I convinced them, they allowed me.

MUN is a simulation where people become representatives of their own countries (called delegates) in one of the committees in United Nations. in JMUN, there were only 3 committees they are GA SOCHUM, WTO, and UNHRC (United Nations Human Right Committee). JMUN itself is the second MUN that Indonesia has which the first is Indonesia MUN (IMUN). JMUN 2011 is the first JMUN, anyway.

What I am so grateful about is more than just being a delegate in JMUN, but it's the first time in varsity life I could find good friends and feel so happy to be with friends. JMUN has made me realized how much I've been suffering from pain not having real good friends in campus. I didn't feel any pressure there which I always feel it in campus.

Now I've realized that I lied to myself that my campus life was ok.

WHY?

I know it's kinda weird to suddenly appear again after a so-long-no-post with this kind of post. But just so you know I stand no choice. I mean, I am somehow moved to post this one, though I don't even want to. I don't even know why, but all of sudden I feel like tons of burdens on my shoulders, and my head, and chest, and my feet.

I really miss those times when everything was so much easy.
I miss those times when I didn't have to be a philosopher the way right now.
Probably it would be so much better if I only could do few things in life, not this much talented in many ways.
I even miss times when I was so much stupid, not knowing a thing.
what the hell is wrong with this world?
why is universe not tired to move even just for a second?
what is wrong with people?

Which Gossip Girl Character is me?

"Which Gossip Girl Are You?"

You are Blair Waldorf

You are the queen of the Upper East Side (or wherever it is you happen to live). You love your status and you tend to get what you want.

People want to be like you, but most don't realize that you have your demons as well. You tend to intimidate others, sometimes by accident, but usually with a purpose. You are a powerful manipulator and you use it to your advantage.
Friendship is important to you, but you don't let many people in.
Keep looking good and getting what you want! You may never be happy, but as long as others don't know, that's okay with you.

a little piece of my life I've had so far

Finally I asked it to her, my mom. My own mother. And as I had expected before, she didn’t know the answers. Honestly, it really disappointed me. I felt saddened somehow, though I already had known it.

They were just simple questions, very simple questions. But it seems that my own parents really never know me. Well, at the very first place, they never ask anything related to who I really am to me. No wonder then.

What’s my favorite food?

What’s my favorite toy/game?

What’s my favorite anime/cartoon?

What’s my favorite anime’s/cartoon’s character?

What’s my favorite book/comic?

Who’s my really best friend ever?

Who’s the world’s figure that I idolize?

My own mother doesn’t know the answers of those questions. I wonder if she ever really cares about me. She hasn’t even ever tried to know me by asking me. Poor me.

I may be lucky enough to have real parents who’ve raised me ‘till now, but they never know me or even try to know me. They haven’t even ever asked me about what I like and about what I want.

Now I really wonder whether they will shed a tear if I suddenly commit suicide then die. Really I do.

Clueless

Pokemon 13th Movie Ending Song
Title: Ice Cream Syndrome
Sung by: Sukima Switch
Source: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ice_Cream_Syndrome


Nothing to comment about this song, but I want you to know this somehow is like resembling my life years ago, when I was in middle school.

Japanese	Romaji	English
関係はいたってフラットだ	Kankei wa itatte furatto da	Our relationship is a casual one
なんでも話せるくらいかな	Nandemo hanaseru kurai kana	To the point that we can talk about anything
付き合いは長いが	Tsukiai wa nagai ga	We've been together a long time
何も変わらないよなあ	Nanimo kawaranai yo nā	But nothing's changed, has it?
せっかく用意したムードも	Sekkaku yōishita mūdo mo	Even the mood that gets set up with such pains
茶化されて終わってしまうんだよ	Chakasarete owatte shimaun dayo	Gets poked fun at and is brought to an end
打ち明けられないまま	Uchiakerarenai mama	I can't speak my mind
かっこのつかないまま	Kakko no tsukanai mama	I can't add parentheses
太陽は暑く照ってる	Taiyō wa atsuku tetteru	The sun shines scorchingly
Ｔシャツが汗ばんでる	T-shatsu ga asebanderu	My T-shirt is drenched in sweat
じめっとした僕みたい	Jimettoshita boku mitai	It's like I'm all damp
いつまでも乾かないや	Itsumademo kawakanai ya	I'll never get dry
逃げ込んで入ったコンビニ	Nigekonde haitta konbini	I ran into a convenience store to escape
懐かしいコミックは購入	Natsukashī komikku wa kōnyū	And bought a nostalgic comic book
君がいればどうかな	Kimi ga ireba dōkana	How would it be if you were here?
一緒に笑えるかな	Issho ni waraeru kana	Would you laugh with me?
もう何年演じてんだろう	Mō nannen enjiten darō	We've been acting it out for so many years
親友としてのキャステイング	Shin'yū toshite no kyasutingu	Casted as best friends
距離感はいいんだが	Kyorikan wa iin daga	The distant feeling is okay
でも本音を言えばつらいや	Demo honne o ieba tsurai ya	But it would be tough if I could say my true intents
相談しやすいって言うけど	Sōdan shiyasui tte iu kedo	You say it's easy to discuss
いつも君の恋愛トーク	Itsumo kimi no ren'ai tōku	But you're always talking about your love life
微妙な心ん中バレないようにして	Bimyō na kokoronnaka barenai yō ni shite	I keep it inside my delicate heart to not be found out
この目の奥に映ってる笑顔	Kono me no oku ni utsutteru egao	I want the smile reflected deep in my eyes
僕だけのもんにしたいんだ	Boku dake no mon ni shitainda	To only belong to me;
どうにか焼き付けられないかな	Dōnika yakitsukerarenai kana	For whatever reason, it won't be burned in there
そっとファインダー覗いたら	Sotto faindā nozoitara	If I softly peek into the finder
想像よりずっとずっと遠くに	Sōzō yori zutto zutto tōku ni	If seems like you're even
君がいる気がした	Kimi ga iru kigashita	Further and further away than I imagined
いつかは誰かと消えていってしまう	Itsuka wa dareka to kieteitte shimau	Someday you'll disappear with someone
見上げれば青い空	Miagereba aoi sora	If I look up, there's a jet plane
真っ二つに割っていくジェット機	Mapputatsu ni watteiku jettoki	Tearing the blue sky in half
はるか空へ　夏が飛んでく	Haruka sora e natsu ga tondeku	The summer is flying away to the distant sky
季節がもう過ぎていく	Kisetsu ga mō sugiteiku	The seasons are already passing by
かげろうの中で立ってる	Kagerō no naka de tatteru	We stand awkwardly
不器用なだけの僕ら	Bukiyō na dake no bokura	Amidst the haze of heat
ぼやけてる世界でも	Boyaketeru sekai demo	Even in this blurred world
君だけはゆがまないや	Kimi dake wa yugamanai ya	Only you remain without distortion
友情っていう名前のシンドローム	Yūjō tteiu namae no shindorōmu	The syndrome called "friendship"
出口のない永久迷路	Deguchi no nai eikyū meiro	Is a perpetual labyrinth without exit
動くのも怖いから	Ugoku no mo kowai kara	It's frightening even to move
踏み出せないでいる	Fumidasenaideiru	So I can't take a step forward
食べようとしていたはずのアイスクリーム	Tabeyō toshiteita hazu no aisukurīmu	The ice cream that I had meant to eat
ベタベタに溶けていたんだ	Betabeta ni toketeitanda	Has melted all over
運命って待ってくれないんだな	Unmei tte mattekurenain dana	Destiny doesn't wait
今逢いたいすぐにでも	Ima aitai sugu ni demo	Though I want to encounter it right now
いつになくまじめな声で	Itsu ni naku majime na koe de	Maybe I'll try calling it out
誘い出してみようかな	Sasoidashitemiyō kana	With an unusually serious voice
そのまま連れ去ってしまえたならもう	Sonomama tsuresatte shimaeta nara mō	If I had taken it away like that
いきおいで抱え込んだ思いも	Ikioi de kakaekonda omoi mo	I might already be able to vigorously convey
伝えられるかも	Tsutaerareru kamo	The feelings I hold
そのファインダー覗いたら	Sono faindā nozoitara	If I peek into that finder
手が届きそうになるほどそばに	Te ga todokisō ni naru hodo soba ni	I hope that you look close enough
君が見えたらいいな	Kimi ga mietara ii na	That I could reach my hands to you
幸せは増えたって減るもんじゃない	Shiawase wa fuetatte herumon janai	If happiness increases, it's not a big deal
君とならどんな一瞬だって	Kimi to nara donna isshun datte	When I'm with you, no matter when
きらめいて見える	Kirameite mieru	You always seem to sparkle

Keraton Surakarta (Surakarta's Palace)

Continuation of the Tour de Solo
-------------------------------------------------

In Surakarta's Palace I looked some heritages of the old times of the palace, and some historical stuffs. There are also some traditional stuffs that are still in use until today. I was guided by Mr. Anto, the officer of tour guide there. He explained me about the history and also about the use of many things there.

I don't think I can give so many description in this post about my little tour. Well, after I arrived there, I purchased the ticket, then I entered and I looked around the inside park before I looked at the museum. The inside park has some beauriful trees and the land was covered by white sands. It's so much beautiful, indeed.



as it's seen, there is a place in the inside park, becuase actually the inside park is directly connected to the residence of the family of the palace. I don't know what that place is used for, perhaps something ceremonial.

Monumen Pers Nasional Indonesia (National Monument of Press of Indonesia)

Continuation of the Tour de Solo
-------------------------------------------------

After taking city bus (ATMO) I then dropped at the National Monument of Press of Indonesia. I was explained about several things there related to the development of press of Indonesia. Actually the building had just been renovated lately before I came there, that's why I could only enjoy the museum mostly.

above is one of the examples of the old newspaper Indonesia had years ago. It is kept well as it is framed to be exhibited to the visitors.

The museum. Actually this place (read: National Monument of Press) has many functions. There are rooms for seminar, exhibiton, museum, etc.

It is an old telegram kept in the museum. As for me, it's quite impressive to see such thing.

One of the important figures in Indonesia's press. I forgot his name, but I remembered that I was explained he was involved in press in Timor-timor (now Timor Leste). He died in accident when he was flying with his parachute. Stuffs around the picture are his favorite stuffs.
Anyway, because I almost completely forget about the whole explanation back then, so please forgive me if my description about this national figure in picture is wrong.

Those ten statues are the statues of the face of the ten figures who preceded the National Monument of Press of Indonesia by establishing conference of press.

Diorama that models how the press in Indonesia worked in the past. It looks good and interesting, isn't it?

It's the stone of official establisment of the National Monument pf Press of Indonesia. It was officially signed by Soeharto in 1978, the Presidend of Republic of Indonesia back then.

other stuffs in the museum.

The last picture I took before I left. It's in front of the entrance

Tour de Solo

On March, 30th of 2011 on Wednesday I had my little tour around Solo. Actually I had planned this since more than a month ago after reading the post of my friend in her blog. Beside, I thought that I never had visited some good places before, so that it might be interesting to have my own adventure alone.

Based on plan, I was supposed to visit 3 places: National Monument of Press of Indonesia, Surakarta's Palace (Keraton Surakarta), and also Sriwedari Park, which then I would have lunch at Tony Jack. However, becuase of some accidents, I departed late in the middle day and unfortunately, It was raining right after I finished looking around at Surakarta's Palace. Hence, finally I was only able to visit National Monument of Press of Indonesia and Surakarta's Palace, then I went home.

I think I will have another tour to visit some other places in Solo. Besides, having a trip alone like an adventure is so much exciting, especially to take some pictures.

Anyway, I will post the pictures I took at National Monument of Press of Indonesia and Surakarta's Palace in different two posts. So there will be 2 other posts than this one about my tour. This part is to tell a little story about the tour I had.

I departed at around 12 by taking public transportation, the city bus called ATMO. it costed IDR 2,000 for me to take that bus.

ATMO, the city bus

After I arrived at the National Monument of Press, I then took a tour looking at the museum there. I was explained about several things related to the museum and the development of press in Indonesia. They've collected the mass media (newspaper) since 1970s 'till now. I guess we can have many information about what what happened in the past through the newspaper collected there.

National Monument of Press of Indonesia (Monumen Pers Nasional Indonesia)

After I finished satisfying mysef there, I then continued to Solo's Keraton (Surakarta's Palace) by taking public car transportation. I asked the security in National Monument of Press about how to get there, actually. I paid IDR 2,500 for taking this public transportation.

public car transportation (read: angkot) in Solo

I then arrived in Surakarta's Palace. FYI, the ticket price to get in to the palace is IDR 10,000. I think it's quite expensive for Solo.

The ticket for entrance of Surakarta's Palace

The Surakarta's Palace from outside.

After I finished looking around at Surakarta's Palace, I then went home because it was raining hard, that I didn't think I could continue my adventure to Sriwedari Park and had lunch at Tony Jack. I went home taking the public bus transportation called Batik Solo Trans. It's very similar to Trans Jakarta Bus, but a little bit cheaper; only IDR 3,000.

Bus called Batik Solo Trans

#2 Random

below is what I got from http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp
it is about my character and psychological behaviour after I input my name.
I know it sounds so common, and probably hoax or suggestion, but I don't see anything wrong with trying it. I myself don't give any judgment whether this quiz machine is accurate or not.

You entered: Liswindio Apendicaesar

There are 21 letters in your name.
Those 21 letters total to 102
There are 10 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

AMSA Japanese Students' Visit to Solo

As I promised that I would post some pictures about AMSA, here they are the pictures taken when 3 Japanese girl of Medical Students came to Solo to spend their holiday on 1st March 2011. My friends and I really did enjoy the night we looked around at Solo with them, and had some conversations.

We had dinner at Pondok Jawi. They ate Indonesian Food, and you know what?? they ate without spoon or fork, but their own hands just like traditional Indonesian people always do. To be honest I was a bit ashamed of myself because I didn't use my hands as others but spoon and fork (Well, Justinus also used spoon and fork but he ate fried rice). I regularly dislike not to use spoon and fork because I'm lazy to wash my hands.

We took pictures at Pondok Jawi after dinner.

Me with Yu Son (Yu). She's chinese anyway, but her family has been living in Japan for so long (perhaps before she was born)

Me with Yapsi. To be honest, Yapsi's name is quite weird for a Japanese girl. I mean, I never heard such before (at least there's no anime character has such name).

Me with Kanako. Honestly, Kanako is very beautiful, but don't know why she looks a little bit weird in the picture. Maybe she's just not photogenic, but really she is very beautiful.

We, after dinner, looked around at Solo Baru. There were so many statues there symbolized Mahabharata story. We chatted along the way in the car. Only Yu who were quite fluent to speak English, but that's fine with Yapsi and Kanako since they could a little bit. As Indonesian people, we told Justinus the direction to get to Solo Baru by saying "Kanan, kanan. Kiri, kiri. Kanan, kiri". Somehow it sounded funny for Yu, Yapsi, and Kanako that then they repeated after us saying "Kanan-kanan. Kiri-kiri" several times and they laughed becuase of it.

They gave us original snacks from Japan which they called as "Sweets". Well, it's true that the snacks tasted very sweet, but to be honest all kinds of the snacks had the same taste, which is RED BEANS.

Red Beans are very common in Japan as the ingredients to make cake or snack because of its sweet taste. However, it seems all kinds of sweet snacks in Japan only have one taste: Red Beans.

Anyway, one kind of the snacks they gave to us has exactly the same taste as our very famous local snacks (Jogjakarta's snacks): BAKPIA. When my friends and I found it out, we felt funny and then laughed because of it.

They, in Solo stayed at Novotel Hotel (and they enjoyed the facial treatment of the hotel in the afternoon). We said goodbye after we took them to the hotel. It's really a very great night as for me. I enjoyed hanging out with my AMSA friends and our guests from Japan. Hopefully I can have another chance to do so, at least it can really refresh mind.

Exam done? or not done yet? or never done?

3 words 'EXAM' I use as title. Too many, eh? Well, if you happen to study in university, I bet the word 'EXAM' is to be definitely what you hear the most. So, my advice to High-Schoolers: Be grateful since you are still in High School and have space and time (space-time, eh?) to breathe even if just for a while, becuase you will really damn need it just a few years, or even a few months later. (JUST TRUST ME)

The BLOCK of ENDOCRINAL SYSTEM has just been done. To make it clear, it's approximately 4 weeks with full of assignments and exams with too many matters. Well, maybe some will think that the DISASTER was just over right after the last exam. However, just right 2 days after it, I already have to get myself prepared for BLOCK of HEMATOLOGY, which is said to be the most difficult in this semester. and obviously, I'll be already having exam and assignment by the first day of the BLOCK!!

CONGRATULATION! AND CELEBRATION!

CONGRATULATION! AND JUBILATION!

Apparently, this will keep happening for more than 5 years from now on. NO AIR, NO AIR..

Well, just skip talking about the details of disaster I have. Speaking of disaster, I am so sorry to know that Japan was just hit by two disasters in a row: Earthquake and Tsunami Wave. I send my condolence and wish the best for Japan.

Anyway, as I promised on my previous post, I'd like to tell about SEF stuffs.

Right now I'm trying to make people in Debating Class really enjoy debate, but not take it for granted. I mean, They really have to be so serious in improving themselves in debate. I don't mean to be cocky nor arrogant, but I think their skills right now is not enough to be called as good debater. Well, they can't even put any urgency in 'issue' and 'background'. They're still so much lacking of elaboration, The worst, they're also still lacking of structure and packaging so much. As for me, it's really troublesome.

When I say 'they' above, I refer to those newbies and to those who are not newbies but they act as if they were much more superior than those newbies. As for me, the newbies are forgivable, but not with the non-newbies. These non-newbies, I think, they should have improved a lot since they are varsity students and it's been more than one year for them knowing debate.

I, once again, don't mean that I'm much better than them. I just think that they haven't been so serious since the first time. That's why I'm quite mad with this circumstances. I need to go debating to many competitions with good teammates that can cover me since I know I'm way too lacking of critical thinking and knowing matters. My skills in term of elaboration is not good either, that's why I need those who can help me to improve myself in debate just like when I was in High School.

However, we still have more than one month before the Debate Competition in English Fiesta held by UMM (Universitas Muhammadiyah Malang). I somehow feel so optimistic that they can improve a lot before D-day.

Actually it's just minor reason what makes me so worry about SEF. The hardest part is about 'BUREAUCRACY' problem that we have to deal with. Our institution (Universitas Sebelas Maret, or you can abbreviate it with UNS) is so damn silly about giving permission and financial support to join competition. They demand that the invitation letter sent to us should be 'completed' with signature of at least VICE RECTOR as proof that the invitation is formal and official.
I mean, WTH?!!

Dear Officers of UNS institution,
I would like you all to know that for other big universties, and please notice BIGGER than UNS, the Officers there have stuffs to do much more important than just giving their signature for just an invitation letter of competition. And every single activity held by the students there certainly is supervised by the institution without a doubt. I mean, please use your logic that there will be several official speech from the Officers for the opening ceremony. And of course the committees of the event has to take care of permission to use the place and rooms. I just totally don't get how your tiny mindset works upon this case, UNS Officers.

We can simply understand that the reason why Debate is not quite developed in UNS, is because at the very first place it's not supported by the institution itself as well as it's needed. No wonder other good institutions are very popular internationally through Debate, since they seriously have a good system on how to manage it.

The recent case for this problem is the Debate competition in 15th ALSA UI E-Comp. My friends and I can't just join because of this bureaucracy problem. Truthfully, I really want to join there because I know that ALSA E-Comp is one of the most prestigious Debate competition in Indonesia, and the participants there are very strong. I just think that we can learn much from the competition if we can join. Sadly, it seems that my institution really doesn't care enough about how important Debate is in National and International's view. So unlucky me!

The first time knowing that I couldn't join ALSA, I was so upset. I couldn't even concentrate my mind to study for Pathologic Anatomy exam (and it then resulted in a big failure). It really turned me mad. Honestly, 'till now I still really wish I could join Debate competition in ALSA UI E-Comp.

Well then, despite my regret for not being able to join Debate competition in ALSA UI E-Comp, I have focus in improving the skills of the Debating Class members in SEF UNS. We, after all, still have Debate competition in English Fiesta held by UMM. We still have to do our best and give all of our efforts in the competition. Besides, English Fiesta is also quite popular and many other strong teams are also going to participate there. So I gotta be so careful.

Power Points and Slides

As you read the title above, I'm now in the middle of the week of exams and my week is very full of the presentations formatted in ppt (Power Point) and each ppt consists about 100 slides (averagely). Additionally the total amount of presentations I have to read and of course, MEMORIZE, is more than 25 files. Well, I don't care about others whether they say it's very common for medical students, but as for me:

IT'S KILLING ME

DIE

SO DEAD

!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really drives me crazy and mad that I have to study too much this way. However, if you know me very well, I'm kind of person that actually will simply neglect my troubles (in this case: exams) so that I won't study almost at all. I don't want to care about the exams but I will still try to make some 'miracles' so that the result (marks thingy) I'll have won't be that bad (sometimes good). Sounds inconsistent, eh? Okay, all I want to say is that I may not care about the exams and the matters I have to master, but I do still care about the result I'll have then. And once more, it's not such a good personality I have. Whatsoever.

Skip it!! I actually would like to tell about other stories which is irrelevant to the title above (like I care). There are AMSA (Asian Medical Students Association) thingy, SEF (Student English Forum) stuffs, and others. As for me, a couple of days lately were so wonderful, joyful, sad, and inspirative (many mixed contradictive feelings, though).

Let's start from AMSA (I know it's gonna be a very long post)

Am so glad the "Welcoming Party" in Waroeng Jadoel (Friday, March 4th 2011) worked very well. Not so many participants, but it can be called a success, though. I was the MC there, anyway (hohoho). At the first time, I thought those who came wouldn't be very either respectful or enthusiast. But, in fact, the opposites of my pessimism was what actually happened. I think I even successfully maintained for that the participants paid attention to some crucial things of AMSA itself. The best of all is that I finally could assure them (through some methods including testimony from AMSA's seniors and FAQ) that AMSA was all about having fun, precious experience, and making a friendship and big family.

Anyway, I wasn't the only MC there. My friend, Shinta, also was the MC along with me.

Additionally, I also succeeded to persuade and encourage my friend to want to be the next representative of AMSA UNS. Anyway, Representative is like the chair person of each Local AMSA. She at last wanted to be for some reasons that I don't care (hahaha). All I know is that, she is ambitious person, she has perfectionist personality, she is smart and diligent, she has courage to lead people. That's why at the very first place I think she is one of good candidates to be the next Representative. Not to mention, but other friends and she joined AMSA because I also succeeded to convince them to do so. Once again, I used my ability called "PSYCHO-ANALYSIS" to convince them to join AMSA and to convince her to promote herself to be the next Representative.

For some reasons, I think my 'that ability' is quite unfair because people won't realize and recognize when I 'play' with their mind and personality. But I think it's the most effective way to achieve our goals, well, as long as they are not bad goals.

Furthermore, on Tuesday (March 1st 2011) my friends and I (4 people of AMSA members) accompanied 3 girls medical students from Japan (they're also AMSA members in Japan). Honestly, they are so kawaii (cute) hahaha (no wonder, they're Japanese anyway). They visited Indonesia to have a little tour for their holiday in order to wait for announcement of their national medical examination in Japan (the examination is to have license to be a doctor). Yes, they are older than me, maybe about 5 years older. We had dinner at Pondok Jawi and then took some pictures in Solo Baru. Nothing much but it was a lot of fun. We had some conversations and guess what, they said that only OTAKU who watched anime and knew about anime songs. I was kinda surprised. However, they were also surprised that I could tell some Japanese words and sentences like "UNAGI", "Chotto Matte Kudasai", "Mata Ne", and many others (which in Indonesia it's very common actually among anime/manga/tokusatsu/J-song lovers). They said they didn't watch anime, they didn't know some popular songs of anime's soundtrack, and they said that my friend and I were OTAKU. Finally we said goodbye as we took them to the hotel because it was already late night.

Okay I'll mention some names about AMSA thingy I've told above.
My friend who wants to be the next Representative is Avamira Rosita (Mira).
Our current Representative is Maytia Pratiwisitha (Tita).
The four others who accompanied the AMSA students from Japan were Justinus Kurniabudhi Novarianto (Justinus), Shinta Andi Sarasati (Shinta), the current Representative, and the Representative from 2005, Sri Mulyani (Yani).
The three Japanese medical student girls are Yu Son (Yu) Yaspi, and Kanako. (Apparently only Yu who has facebook account).

Anyway, Justinus also wants to be the next Representative, and as for me he is also worth it. That's why I've been quite confused since the Welcoming Party about who I'll give my support and help to design work programs. Moreover, both Mira and Justinus are my best friends here. I just can't be decisive in this case.

That's all from AMSA thingy. Maybe later I'll post some photos about the story of AMSA above.

Next is about SEF stuffs, but I'm way too lazy to continue. Maybe later I'll tell it in another post, but just not now. I still have to study, however. At last this post is not gonna be as long as I imagined and thought before (but I know it's pretty long).

Once again, I know that most part of this post is not relevant with the title. Sorry if this bothers you, but lately I'm quite sloppy because of the exam and SEF stuffs (which I will tell you later in my next post about this SEF stuffs).

Anyway, since when have I become so repetitive this way? #random

one prayer for all

Sabbe Satha Bhavantu Sukithata.

Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

Memories

Memories--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Memories, for you to keep
Because time won’t repeat itself
As life goes on, people move on
Nothing will remain the same
All things we have fade away
Because we change and won’t remain the same

So that,
Memories, for you to keep
To remind you to what you used to be
To remind you to what you used to have
Because time won’t repeat itself
Because things change as time goes by
Because we change as time goes by

But there, we have memories
For us to keep, for you to keep, and for me to keep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This poetry is my farewell gift to the best friend ever of mine, Stevano, that I gave him on December 2010. I suddenly felt back then that I had to give him something that I was good at. Then I decided to making 'words'. To be honest, I was very sad to know that he had to depart to USA for his study because I thought that I wouldn't be able to meet him anymore for so long.

I happened to understand that we all had changed a lot when I was making this poetry. We weren't the same guys anymore as when we had met for the fist time in Middle School. However, I understood that the change itself was inevitable, none could stop it.

Lately I feel reminded to my former self when I was in kindergarten and elementary school. I used to believe in so many imagination and I always felt so excited back then for any imagination and hope for the future. My heart was always fulfilled with so many big feelings about adventure. I just couldn't hold it in anyway, and always created many stories for myself as if I had been in anime.

It's been so long since last time I felt it and I can't remember when it last time happened. I actually have been reminded lately because I've just watched some Digimon World movies. I somehow, right while I was watching, suddenly remembered about the feeling I had have when I was a very little child. 'Till now I still feel brought to the time of my childhood and somehow I can remember the feeling clearly. Ironically, I, however, don't feel it. It sounds funny isn't it? I remember the feeling I used to have, but I can't feel it. I've just realized that it's been quite long time for me to be 'grown up'.

Death & Matrix (illusion) World

Have you ever felt that you are about to die? that your 'time' is about to come? And this feeling keeps increasing day by day. This is exactly what I've been feeling for more than a month. I know it sounds weird, freak, and scary. But I can't escape from this 'bad' feeling.

Anyway, there is something worse than feeling I'm about to die in the near future. Well, to be honest, it's quite hard for me to explain. You know I have kind of belief in Buddhism's way. And it makes me believe that this life is just an illusion, not real. Though, I've already had this belief long before I knew about Buddhism's teaching. Yes, it's because I'm such a thoughtful person, too philosophical. And at the time I read about Buddhism, I feel that it's kinda having similarity with my 'philosphical way'. Nevertheless, it's also because I'm kind of person that really believes in Science, I do really believe in logic and explanation. And fortunately the New Age Science gives so much attention in this 'thought', and somehow once again, I've found that this really has similarity with my 'thoughtful way', that's way I've happened to believe in my 'philosophy and theory' even more.

In short, Those things make me believe that this life is real, it doesn't even have any difference with dreams. And I happen to believe nothing's real. everything is just an illusion, just no more than a lie. I no more believe in this life, in people, in anything and even in my existence. I feel that there is an consciousness above us that much more superior than ours now. We have our real consciousness, which is the consciousness of our current life is just a fake.

Now I don't feel that I'm alive anymore. I feel that everything is just dreams, not real just like the dreams we always have. I don't believe in anything anymore. Even scientifically, neurologically and psychologically, beteween dreams and our past have no dfference when we are trying to recall them in our memory. And I know it's true, I even also feel that way. This makes me think that all things happened in past were just fake, as the same as fake memories implanted in our mind.

This exactly makes me feel that I'm not alive, makes me live my life unlively. Everything's just flat. No motivation, no passionate. Because everything is just illusion, not real. That's natural for me to want nothing when I think that nothing is real. I mean, when nothing's real, why do I have to wanna something? Even when I have it, it's not real but fake. Then it has no difference for me either way. I don't believe in anything.

I now understand clearly what REEPICHEEP, a swashbuckling mouse, one of the characters in THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER) said.

"WE HAVE NOTHING IF WE DON'T BELIEVE"

Yes, I feel that I have nothing right now. I don't even believe if I'm alive or real. Maybe I'm already dead before I'm really dead in the sense of poeple's paradigm.

Fashion (LOOKLET)

After so long, finally I've got time and efforts to post my "LOOK" from my LOOKLET account. Here are some styles I create with some themes of fashion. Honestly I play LOOKLET as my compensation for one of my desire, it is to be a Fashion Designer or at least to be a Stylist. Though it won't be the same as becoming the real fashion designer or stylist, but at least for now it's enough for me to make it this way.

Apparently, I, for this couple of months, don't have any time to spend to play looklet, that's why so far since my first "debute", I've just made 10 "LOOKS". In this post I don't put the name for the LOOKS I made unless for some, written in the LOOK itself as together with the credits of the brands. However it's put on my LOOKLET account. Additionally, you'll see there is "stamp" on the bottom of right-side of some LOOKS. FYI, those "stamped LOOKS" are for the styling contest held by some brands.

Please Enjoy.

Busy and Tired and Confused

As you read the title, it's exactly that I'm now way way way so busy and tired of all this being busy. I wish I were still in my holiday. Too many things to do is exactly what I hate of being universty student, especially medical student. Assignments and examinations, are which make feel so damn stressed. Moreover, I also have to think about and take care of AMSA and SEF. This feels so stressed. Though I know I was the one who chose to involve myself in this circumstances, but I think this is really out of my expectation.

Honestly, this is exactly the reason why I said that I was unready yet to get back to faculty. I've foreseen this. And I, anyway, hate to admit it. #starttoberandom #whatsoever

I'm afraid that AMSA will be lacking of members, and will fail to revive itself. I'm afraid that SEF won't be able to really have either good debaters or good development, especially since I think I want to be really good at debate but it's hard to be so if the circumstance in SEF UNS is still this way.

I'm very tired to face all of the stuffs. Academic matters and non-academic matters. They all are killing me softly. You know, I've been insomniac for more than 2 days because all of the stress.

I don't know whether I can make it through. I don't know if I can keep going on. Well, it's not that I'm pessimistic towards myself, but I'm just tired and hate it to be this way. I seriously need rest.

Anyway, I'm confused whether I will join CIMSA or not, especially because I still don't know what division I want to join. Beside, I'm afraid that if I join too many clubs and activities, I won't be able to manage myself.

I'm also confused about what I have to do towards SEF. The debating class is like a dark forest without any soul *I know my imagery is too exaggerative*. I need the spirit of anyone there to improve myself. I need them to be enthusiast and excitec about debate.

Nevertheless, AMSA is also making me awry. I don't know what else I can do to attract people to join AMSA. Well, money thingy is the hardest trouble people will always have when they want to join something, and I don't know what I have to say to assure them. Furthermore, I also don't think I can join AMELISH (AMSA English Club) while I'll be having SEF Debating Class by saturday morning, though as for me AMELISH feels really interesting.

These problems happen upon me when I'm right in this 2nd semester, and this semester is totally frustrating. Many practicums, many assignments, many examinations, and the best part of this hardship is that the subject is much more way difficult than the 1st semester *logically it's so common but I hate it*. I don't know else what I can do. I'm stressed and frustrated. I'm sick and insomniac. I probably almost die at this rate.

Someone, please gemme outta here!!! Right now

Jazz Nite at CC

I'm so happy, way way way so happy that I could come and attend the Jazz Nite, then watched some bands' performances that I personally like. There were Drew, Bandanaira, White Shoes and The Couples Company, and then The Groove. Well, I missed Hollywood nobody, after all. But still, that's fine as the overall was so amazing and satisfying.

Moreover, I met many friends there, I hanged out at Bengsol (read: Bengawan Solo Coffee) after so long, and then had chit-chat with my friends. I'm so happy that I had this Saturday, 12 February 2010.

This may be just a simple post as it's just the way it is and nothing more. But I don't know why I feel so refreshed and relieved. Furthermore, Finally my dream that I've had since I was a child comes true. I was able to watch The Groove's performance live. Yes, at the very first time I heard their first song, I was simply in love with this Jazz band.

I got nothing more to say about Jazz Nite. I am proud to be Canisian. Despite my worry to skip my first day in 2nd semester that at the day I must have tutorial discussion of problem-based-learning, and also the possibility I can't come on time for Histology practicum's pre-test (or even skip it), I can only be happy for this Chinese New Year holidays.

Actually I hope I will have another long holiday in the first week of March so that I can attend Java Jazz Festival, especially on the Saturday because I really want to see Andien's performance there. With term & condition: if finally I can win the quiz for the free ticket daily pass on Saturday (I've tried it times, but failed). I wish this dream can also come true for this time. ^^

again, so much dream, so little time.

anyway, I finally tell Eka that I have kind of belief in Buddhism's way. I know he probably felt weird at that time, but I think it's fine for him to know.

I hope I can have another holiday just like this to spend with many of my friends again.

Post Before Jazz Nite 2011 in CC

Yes, this post is to tell my activity before I come to Jazz Nite. Though Jazz Nite will be held on the night after tomorrow, I don'think I'll have time to blog on tomorrow. That's why I decide to do so tonight.

Honestly I don't have any will to blog right now, but because I'm a little bit inspired by the new blog of my friend, I decide to post something here. Besides, I think it's been long time for me not to post any story about myself. ^^

I'm now still in holiday because the 2nd semester will be started on February, 14th. Though on 5th there was an IQ test, I didn't attend because as for me, it's wasting time and I prefered to spend my time in Jakarta.

Actually I also have to take care of my Study-Plan-Card that the schedule to do so is from 8th to 11th. And yet, I don't care since it's not that technically necessary, and I can take care of it later. That's why right now I haven't returned to Solo yet.

What I'm so happy about this holiday is that because I spend my this holiday in Jakarta. Then I can visit some malls, and also meet some people I dearly miss a lot.

I felt like a primitive man at the time I visited GI and PI as it was long time ago last time I had been there. Then as I wished, I had my appetite at Sushi Tei. Oh Gosh, that felt like I just arrived in heaven. Hahaha. I finally was able to enjoy the strawberry sundae of Burger King that in my opinion, it's the best strawberry sundae in Indonesia (compared to others).

I am very happy that I could meet Eka, Danny, Laoshi Lusi, Stacey, Calvin, Steffan, Melvin, Febri, MLT, Adit Panda, and many more others that I had not meet them for so long. Though, I'm still very sad that I wasn't able to meet Aditya Padmatantra. Don't know why, I quite miss him a lot.

Nevertheless, on Saturday night I will meet more people since it's Jazz Nite. I will also meet Eduardo Rotama, Indra Dinatha, Albert Santoso, and Dhani Pannacasey. I somehow miss Dhani Pannacasey a lot too, especially since I know that he'll depart to Japan for his study. Well, I wish luck for him in Japan.

There are some plans for Saturday before the Jazz Nite is started. But I think as usual, only few of them that are going to be realised.

Unfortunately, Eduardus Ivan and Anthony Susilo can't come to Jazz Nite because of some reasons. Anyway, I also wish that I would be able to meet some others CEF and Debate friends such as Adriel Arizon, William Suryadiputra, Febrian Sidharta, Monica Agnes Sylvia, Sherly Natalia, Yogi Firmansyah, and many more though I obviously know that they won't be able to come.

That's enough for the Jazz Nite.

I mentioned above that I was moved to blog because I read my friend's blog. So the question is, which part of his blog that has inspired me to create this post?

It's the Kaleidoskop he mentioned in his blog

He said about the moment in 2010 that he experienced himself, and his impression about 2010. Well, I already made my own muse about 2010, after all. I just want to say that other people's life story sometimes can really inspire us in some ways. it clearly brings back memories about how we used to be, and what we used to do.

Next, I would like to tell about several things have happened upon me, that apparently turn me into an Atheist.

It was started since I watched anime "Angel Beats". The story told about how unfair this life is. Poeple were faced to the unfair situation that they weren't supposed to be treated that way. They deserved better. They didn't make any mistake but then the life given to them was simply unfair. It made me realise that God, if He truly exists, He must be a crazy and mad entity. Though in the anime shown that those people who died with regrets in their life, they were given another chance to feel happy, to get what they actually had deserved from the very beginning in their life.

This anime really woke me up that this life was not only about me. I, before, felt that everything happened upon me was all right and it's fair as God knows what's best for me. I, back then, thought that there were too many things I could be grateful for rather than I grumbled for things happened. Well, yes it's true to think that way really helped me not feel stressed, but then after i watched that anime I felt different.

It was me who felt my life was just okay. But what if I were faced to the situation that the characters in the anime experienced? Would I still feel and think the same way?

Though the story is just an anime, but I obviously know that that story is real. There are so many people outside there that feel and experience the same way as the characters do in the anime. I even can watch or read it from news.

Well, you may say that though the life that the characters had in the anime was unfair, but then they were given another chance in the afterlife to have what they deserved in their life. However, no one knows what the afterlife will be like. No one can guarantee whether we will be given another chance just like in the anime. Besides, although we'll be given that another chance, still the life we have is unfair. Why does it have to be in afterlife? why not in life?

You see, I become non-believer is not because I feel my life is not fair, but merely I see other people's life is unfair. Maybe some get the fair and happy life, but what about those who don't get any? It may be easy for people to neglect this fact, but it's never that easy for me.

I used to think that the fact I could meet people love me and I love in my life was a very great blessing for me and I was so grateful for that. I used to think that the fact I could still breathe and see those who I really wanted to see were such a grace of God that I was so happy about it. But then I started to think, it's because those things happened to me that's why I could be that way. What about those who don't have any of that kinds of happiness? what about those who are faced to the unfair situation? How can we ask them to be grateful for still being able to breathe when the death is the only best choice for them?

I suppose we have to be realistic saying that this is the truth, rather than saying it's because they don't pray, or saying because God decides that way for their best. I mean, it's totally crazy to say that losing your beloved family in cruel way, or losing your only hope to live your life, or being born to be unable to do a thing as the best way God decides for us. I can't even accept if you say it's the Karma of theirs that they bring from their past life. It's not that I don't believe in Karma or reincarnation, in fact I do believe in those two things. It's just logically unfair to see someone knowing nothing about their past life but must pay for the mistake of their former self. If karma is supposed to be paid, then it must be paid by the same person itself. Because in fact the reincarnation of a man is not the same person of the man itself. He is not what he was in his past life. The man of the present may have been born from the same soul of his past life, but they are still different.

I know it's kinda contradictive for me, but this is simply what I feel and think. That's why I no more believe in God's doing or Karma from past life that causes someone in present has to suffer (although I still believe in God in the concept of Nibbana and Cosmology, and although I still believe that past life will still affect the present life).

I also have to admit that, the way I live my religious life is more based on Buddhism's way. I don't know whether or not I already can be considered as Buddhist, but I just more believe that the teachings of Buddha is the most suitable for me since I don't believe in personal or personified God. However, I'm still a Moslem because I believe in science, and Islam is the only religion that I see can give many proof of science. It's kinda an incosintency, the way I believe in Buddha is more because of the teachings (how to live life), and the way I believe in Islam is more because of the science. For the concept of God, I've had it already long before I started to learn Buddhism (this is based on my supranatural and spiritual ability that this 'universe' always teaches me more and more about the 'real and essential God' itself). I really don't know what I have to choose. Besides, I've got a feeling that in the future there will be only one religion, and it's Cosmology.

I believe this religion (read: Cosmology) will lead people to live life based on their own consciousness which ones are the virtue and propriety and which ones are not. Cosmology will also lead people to understand science and this universe much better. People will be able to reach the 'real essential enlightenment' one day through this religion just like the ancient tales or stories we've heard.

Furthermore, this religion has no name. Cosmology just the way how I call this nameless religion. There will be no prophet needed to lead people to this kind of belief, because it comes from their own 'illumination', from their own 'knowledge and awareness', from their own 'consciousness'. This universe is the one will lead us to reach this state, and science is the key for the door.

Surprisingly, lately I've found something interesting that I don't know whether this is a coincidence or fate. That is about Stephen William Hawking. His theories, his discovery, and his lectures, are talking all the things I've believed and been thinking for this long. There are also some questions and targets he mentioned that I also have ever questioned and wanted to reach. I suddenly feel that I actually am suitable to learn about Astrophysics. It's really the world that I've been really into for years without I realized it.

I feel more confident about this especially since my friend, Eka Satya Nugraha asked about the reason why colours occur and change upon something based on physics (specifically for his case / question: upon water), and I simply directed him to Quark though I only understand a few. I'm sure he's kinda amazed of what I've told him about Quark. The fact that I know and understand (though only a few) something uncommon is so unexpected by him, or even people. He told me that when he explained it in the discussion group of his, everyone there, including the lecturer, was amazed and surprised about what he explained. Well, I had predicted it that it was going to be something fantastic for him to explain about Quark, and he also must be thought very smart to understand it.

Now I plan to buy Stephen Hawking's book named Grand Design. I know that book will explain to me even more about how scientifically this universe works, about what God is essentially that I've believed this long, since the way I believe in is not in common way as people do.

I want to understand more about Quarks, Photons, Space-Time, The Universe, and God in scientific way (not based on doctrine or fantasy).

Ok, that's all my post before Jazz Nite. I know this is the longest post I 've ever made 'till now. But there are just so many things I really feel like sharing in this post. I know people might never understand the way I think and feel, but this is me. Take it, or leave it.