Muse

Things happen, not only condition, situation, and circumstances that change, but also people. Sometimes it feels difficult for us to stand up to face the change, especially to admit that we also have changed a lot. We sometimes just can't believe it when everything's no more the same as they used to be.

This life is formed by so many occurrences that randomly happens. We can't set it as what we want it to turn out like, we at last can only follow the scenario given to us and play it as best as we can. Sometimes it looks hard, but we see that there were so many people that had lived this life before us and as we heard, they successfully passed through every single thing happened towards them.

I personally don't know how to manage myself as good as possible, in the opposite and in fact, I have failed to do so, I have failed about many things, so many things. I never know whether this is something I have to or I can strive for, but I just simply do it. I totally have no idea about what the best thing in this life and world is, I don't even know whether the way I live my life based on what I believe is right or wrong. I never know about anything.

To be honest, lately there are so many things make me stressed, sad, and feel like I wanna die. Sometimes we will think that death is the only way to get rid of this ridiculous life, won't we? But at last I always end up realizing something I still want to life for; at the time it feels no hope, there we can find the light of hope itself, though it always seems everything is vain at the time we do believe in the hope. Life is so unique, huh?

We never understand how God works in our life, we never understand what He is doing upon us, and at last we simply can only have faith in Him for everything may happen to us. Hope, pray, wish for the best and happiness,are really human beings' stuffs. I think that's why we really need the existence of God itself. If there is no Him, what do you think will happen towards human beings? Maybe everyone will just suicide themselves.

God is love, God is hope, God is miracle, God is everything and the only we have as reason to still live our life. In this craziness, uncertainty, He gave us life, so at least we still can expect that He is preparing something beautiful for us.

Beyond every problem and disaster we receive, there will always be at least one thing for us to give thanks. And actually at the time we try to muse about the day we have just passed, we can find how much love we also have received from everyone around us. And we try to remember it, personally for me, I will simply smile and feel happy for it. It feels so much beautiful somehow.

Having friends, having best friends, having those who always think of us, having those who always care to us, having those who will always be there for us when we need them, having those who will always lend us their hands unconditionally no matter what, even having chance to meet people that love us and we love them, are really the best blessings we have ever had for whole our life. Honestly I sometimes feel ashamed to ask for more to God, as He has given us a lot, or even too much.

This surely is a long journey, a very long journey. With so many unexpected things happens, whether we like them or not, but I believe that nothing's vain. This journey won't end, 'till I find my way home to You.

Between The Inevitable Divination and Hope for Miracles

living life as someone posesses the power, not only to divine and foresee but also to do some magical and spiritual practice, sometimes can make you lose your faith. It's not that you no more believe in God, but it's just you no more know to hope for the best in life. Just imagine. At the time you already know that bad things are going to happen, and it surely will and must happen, what do you think you can do? try to prevent it? well, actually at the very fist place, the conditions are that you already tried but you failed, or you already knew there would be nothing you could do. At that rate we see that everything is inevitability. This kind of divination actually is like that God just tells you for something that is gonna happen, and then He tells you just to get ready for it, get ready to face it at the time it happens. Nothing we can do but just take it and face it.

And yes, it's what actually I do undergo. I want to believe. I really do want to believe for hope, for the miracle to happen upon things I always wish for, but the fact is that I'm shown that nothing I can do. Even when I tried to warn people, they just kept saying to let it be or to just have faith in God that He would protect and save us, then to just hope and pray for the best whereas at the very fist place I had known it was inevitable. Well, if they don't even believe to what I say, how can you think that they will do something to prevent or avoid it? I feel so ridiculous.

Honestly, the worse of this is that when nobody listens to me. I see that they just don't get it how much difficult it is to live life this way. But at the time they don't even believe and trust me, that they simply ignore what I try to say and deliver to them, it makes me feel lonely. Sometimes I do wish for this to stop that I don't want to posess this kind of power, but somehow I realize this is meant to be something that I just haven't found it yet.

Sometimes I am kind of pissed off to those who keep saying "only God knows" or "let's just keep believing in God that He will ...." or "Let's just hope and pray for the best". They don't even wanna listen about how this all happens and comes before our eyes. They don't even wanna try to understand just a bit.

I at last can only shut my mouth then understand that it's so natural for human being to be that way, especially those who don't understand, or those who are way too religious without trying to listen to this universe but simply believe in God as one who rules everything. I do understand this kind of 'knowledge' can only be reached when people are in the higher state than usual, which is so uncommon. And at the time they are told about this, they of course can't take it as something they can get it or believe.

I finally end up being a very pessimistic one. I see this world as a fate. Everything happens is fated. Well, it's true actually, but there is something else that also works on this world, that is Hope. I remember that it's said the best thing we human beings have is the light of hope. It's so beautiful when we shine it that miracles can happen, anyhthing can happen. Something that we wish hard and we deeply hope can happen as long as we believe that it will happen, I'm just no more easily to be that kind of a guy.

I think I just forget to the former me that I used to be a very optimistic person. I simply used to just believe in impossible things that they ended up happening upon me. Yes, the miracles happened upon me when I was younger than now, and at that time I only needed to believe that things were gonna happen, then they happened.

I really don't get it. I've been shown that every single premonition I received was inevitable that it surely would happen, but I've also been reminded lately (by God through some events and occurances) that I need to have faith in the miracles. it's like God tries to remind me that I only need to believe, simply just believe and hope as I used to do, so things are gonna be all right. For me they both seem contradictive for one and each other. it makes me confused and I just don't which side to buy. Moreover, it's been long time for me to stop hoping especially since I could foresee even better than before. I don't know if I can still change.

However, at least I've seen that if we wish hard, dreams can become true. No matter on what way it happens, no matter what the reason is, still it can always come true as long as we really wish hard.