"According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross,
when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move
through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the
loss is so unthinkable we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with
everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain.
We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in
exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the
anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until
finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go.
We let go and move into acceptance.
In medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off death, and not one lesson on how to go on living."
"The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we’re taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.
Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.
Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance."
