Yes, this post is to tell my activity before I come to Jazz Nite. Though Jazz Nite will be held on the night after tomorrow, I don'think I'll have time to blog on tomorrow. That's why I decide to do so tonight.
Honestly I don't have any will to blog right now, but because I'm a little bit inspired by the new blog of my friend, I decide to post something here. Besides, I think it's been long time for me not to post any story about myself. ^^
I'm now still in holiday because the 2nd semester will be started on February, 14th. Though on 5th there was an IQ test, I didn't attend because as for me, it's wasting time and I prefered to spend my time in Jakarta.
Actually I also have to take care of my Study-Plan-Card that the schedule to do so is from 8th to 11th. And yet, I don't care since it's not that technically necessary, and I can take care of it later. That's why right now I haven't returned to Solo yet.
What I'm so happy about this holiday is that because I spend my this holiday in Jakarta. Then I can visit some malls, and also meet some people I dearly miss a lot.
I felt like a primitive man at the time I visited GI and PI as it was long time ago last time I had been there. Then as I wished, I had my appetite at Sushi Tei. Oh Gosh, that felt like I just arrived in heaven. Hahaha. I finally was able to enjoy the strawberry sundae of Burger King that in my opinion, it's the best strawberry sundae in Indonesia (compared to others).
I am very happy that I could meet Eka, Danny, Laoshi Lusi, Stacey, Calvin, Steffan, Melvin, Febri, MLT, Adit Panda, and many more others that I had not meet them for so long. Though, I'm still very sad that I wasn't able to meet Aditya Padmatantra. Don't know why, I quite miss him a lot.
Nevertheless, on Saturday night I will meet more people since it's Jazz Nite. I will also meet Eduardo Rotama, Indra Dinatha, Albert Santoso, and Dhani Pannacasey. I somehow miss Dhani Pannacasey a lot too, especially since I know that he'll depart to Japan for his study. Well, I wish luck for him in Japan.
There are some plans for Saturday before the Jazz Nite is started. But I think as usual, only few of them that are going to be realised.
Unfortunately, Eduardus Ivan and Anthony Susilo can't come to Jazz Nite because of some reasons. Anyway, I also wish that I would be able to meet some others CEF and Debate friends such as Adriel Arizon, William Suryadiputra, Febrian Sidharta, Monica Agnes Sylvia, Sherly Natalia, Yogi Firmansyah, and many more though I obviously know that they won't be able to come.
That's enough for the Jazz Nite.
I mentioned above that I was moved to blog because I read my friend's blog. So the question is, which part of his blog that has inspired me to create this post?
It's the Kaleidoskop he mentioned in his blog
He said about the moment in 2010 that he experienced himself, and his impression about 2010. Well, I already made my own muse about 2010, after all. I just want to say that other people's life story sometimes can really inspire us in some ways. it clearly brings back memories about how we used to be, and what we used to do.
Next, I would like to tell about several things have happened upon me, that apparently turn me into an Atheist.
It was started since I watched anime "Angel Beats". The story told about how unfair this life is. Poeple were faced to the unfair situation that they weren't supposed to be treated that way. They deserved better. They didn't make any mistake but then the life given to them was simply unfair. It made me realise that God, if He truly exists, He must be a crazy and mad entity. Though in the anime shown that those people who died with regrets in their life, they were given another chance to feel happy, to get what they actually had deserved from the very beginning in their life.
This anime really woke me up that this life was not only about me. I, before, felt that everything happened upon me was all right and it's fair as God knows what's best for me. I, back then, thought that there were too many things I could be grateful for rather than I grumbled for things happened. Well, yes it's true to think that way really helped me not feel stressed, but then after i watched that anime I felt different.
It was me who felt my life was just okay. But what if I were faced to the situation that the characters in the anime experienced? Would I still feel and think the same way?
Though the story is just an anime, but I obviously know that that story is real. There are so many people outside there that feel and experience the same way as the characters do in the anime. I even can watch or read it from news.
Well, you may say that though the life that the characters had in the anime was unfair, but then they were given another chance in the afterlife to have what they deserved in their life. However, no one knows what the afterlife will be like. No one can guarantee whether we will be given another chance just like in the anime. Besides, although we'll be given that another chance, still the life we have is unfair. Why does it have to be in afterlife? why not in life?
You see, I become non-believer is not because I feel my life is not fair, but merely I see other people's life is unfair. Maybe some get the fair and happy life, but what about those who don't get any? It may be easy for people to neglect this fact, but it's never that easy for me.
I used to think that the fact I could meet people love me and I love in my life was a very great blessing for me and I was so grateful for that. I used to think that the fact I could still breathe and see those who I really wanted to see were such a grace of God that I was so happy about it. But then I started to think, it's because those things happened to me that's why I could be that way. What about those who don't have any of that kinds of happiness? what about those who are faced to the unfair situation? How can we ask them to be grateful for still being able to breathe when the death is the only best choice for them?
I suppose we have to be realistic saying that this is the truth, rather than saying it's because they don't pray, or saying because God decides that way for their best. I mean, it's totally crazy to say that losing your beloved family in cruel way, or losing your only hope to live your life, or being born to be unable to do a thing as the best way God decides for us. I can't even accept if you say it's the Karma of theirs that they bring from their past life. It's not that I don't believe in Karma or reincarnation, in fact I do believe in those two things. It's just logically unfair to see someone knowing nothing about their past life but must pay for the mistake of their former self. If karma is supposed to be paid, then it must be paid by the same person itself. Because in fact the reincarnation of a man is not the same person of the man itself. He is not what he was in his past life. The man of the present may have been born from the same soul of his past life, but they are still different.
I know it's kinda contradictive for me, but this is simply what I feel and think. That's why I no more believe in God's doing or Karma from past life that causes someone in present has to suffer (although I still believe in God in the concept of Nibbana and Cosmology, and although I still believe that past life will still affect the present life).
I also have to admit that, the way I live my religious life is more based on Buddhism's way. I don't know whether or not I already can be considered as Buddhist, but I just more believe that the teachings of Buddha is the most suitable for me since I don't believe in personal or personified God. However, I'm still a Moslem because I believe in science, and Islam is the only religion that I see can give many proof of science. It's kinda an incosintency, the way I believe in Buddha is more because of the teachings (how to live life), and the way I believe in Islam is more because of the science. For the concept of God, I've had it already long before I started to learn Buddhism (this is based on my supranatural and spiritual ability that this 'universe' always teaches me more and more about the 'real and essential God' itself). I really don't know what I have to choose. Besides, I've got a feeling that in the future there will be only one religion, and it's Cosmology.
I believe this religion (read: Cosmology) will lead people to live life based on their own consciousness which ones are the virtue and propriety and which ones are not. Cosmology will also lead people to understand science and this universe much better. People will be able to reach the 'real essential enlightenment' one day through this religion just like the ancient tales or stories we've heard.
Furthermore, this religion has no name. Cosmology just the way how I call this nameless religion. There will be no prophet needed to lead people to this kind of belief, because it comes from their own 'illumination', from their own 'knowledge and awareness', from their own 'consciousness'. This universe is the one will lead us to reach this state, and science is the key for the door.
Surprisingly, lately I've found something interesting that I don't know whether this is a coincidence or fate. That is about Stephen William Hawking. His theories, his discovery, and his lectures, are talking all the things I've believed and been thinking for this long. There are also some questions and targets he mentioned that I also have ever questioned and wanted to reach. I suddenly feel that I actually am suitable to learn about Astrophysics. It's really the world that I've been really into for years without I realized it.
I feel more confident about this especially since my friend, Eka Satya Nugraha asked about the reason why colours occur and change upon something based on physics (specifically for his case / question: upon water), and I simply directed him to Quark though I only understand a few. I'm sure he's kinda amazed of what I've told him about Quark. The fact that I know and understand (though only a few) something uncommon is so unexpected by him, or even people. He told me that when he explained it in the discussion group of his, everyone there, including the lecturer, was amazed and surprised about what he explained. Well, I had predicted it that it was going to be something fantastic for him to explain about Quark, and he also must be thought very smart to understand it.
Now I plan to buy Stephen Hawking's book named Grand Design. I know that book will explain to me even more about how scientifically this universe works, about what God is essentially that I've believed this long, since the way I believe in is not in common way as people do.
I want to understand more about Quarks, Photons, Space-Time, The Universe, and God in scientific way (not based on doctrine or fantasy).
Ok, that's all my post before Jazz Nite. I know this is the longest post I 've ever made 'till now. But there are just so many things I really feel like sharing in this post. I know people might never understand the way I think and feel, but this is me. Take it, or leave it.
