Have you ever felt that you are about to die? that your 'time' is about to come? And this feeling keeps increasing day by day. This is exactly what I've been feeling for more than a month. I know it sounds weird, freak, and scary. But I can't escape from this 'bad' feeling.
Anyway, there is something worse than feeling I'm about to die in the near future. Well, to be honest, it's quite hard for me to explain. You know I have kind of belief in Buddhism's way. And it makes me believe that this life is just an illusion, not real. Though, I've already had this belief long before I knew about Buddhism's teaching. Yes, it's because I'm such a thoughtful person, too philosophical. And at the time I read about Buddhism, I feel that it's kinda having similarity with my 'philosphical way'. Nevertheless, it's also because I'm kind of person that really believes in Science, I do really believe in logic and explanation. And fortunately the New Age Science gives so much attention in this 'thought', and somehow once again, I've found that this really has similarity with my 'thoughtful way', that's way I've happened to believe in my 'philosophy and theory' even more.
In short, Those things make me believe that this life is real, it doesn't even have any difference with dreams. And I happen to believe nothing's real. everything is just an illusion, just no more than a lie. I no more believe in this life, in people, in anything and even in my existence. I feel that there is an consciousness above us that much more superior than ours now. We have our real consciousness, which is the consciousness of our current life is just a fake.
Now I don't feel that I'm alive anymore. I feel that everything is just dreams, not real just like the dreams we always have. I don't believe in anything anymore. Even scientifically, neurologically and psychologically, beteween dreams and our past have no dfference when we are trying to recall them in our memory. And I know it's true, I even also feel that way. This makes me think that all things happened in past were just fake, as the same as fake memories implanted in our mind.
This exactly makes me feel that I'm not alive, makes me live my life unlively. Everything's just flat. No motivation, no passionate. Because everything is just illusion, not real. That's natural for me to want nothing when I think that nothing is real. I mean, when nothing's real, why do I have to wanna something? Even when I have it, it's not real but fake. Then it has no difference for me either way. I don't believe in anything.
I now understand clearly what REEPICHEEP, a swashbuckling mouse, one of the characters in THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER) said.
Yes, I feel that I have nothing right now. I don't even believe if I'm alive or real. Maybe I'm already dead before I'm really dead in the sense of poeple's paradigm.
Anyway, there is something worse than feeling I'm about to die in the near future. Well, to be honest, it's quite hard for me to explain. You know I have kind of belief in Buddhism's way. And it makes me believe that this life is just an illusion, not real. Though, I've already had this belief long before I knew about Buddhism's teaching. Yes, it's because I'm such a thoughtful person, too philosophical. And at the time I read about Buddhism, I feel that it's kinda having similarity with my 'philosphical way'. Nevertheless, it's also because I'm kind of person that really believes in Science, I do really believe in logic and explanation. And fortunately the New Age Science gives so much attention in this 'thought', and somehow once again, I've found that this really has similarity with my 'thoughtful way', that's way I've happened to believe in my 'philosophy and theory' even more.
In short, Those things make me believe that this life is real, it doesn't even have any difference with dreams. And I happen to believe nothing's real. everything is just an illusion, just no more than a lie. I no more believe in this life, in people, in anything and even in my existence. I feel that there is an consciousness above us that much more superior than ours now. We have our real consciousness, which is the consciousness of our current life is just a fake.
Now I don't feel that I'm alive anymore. I feel that everything is just dreams, not real just like the dreams we always have. I don't believe in anything anymore. Even scientifically, neurologically and psychologically, beteween dreams and our past have no dfference when we are trying to recall them in our memory. And I know it's true, I even also feel that way. This makes me think that all things happened in past were just fake, as the same as fake memories implanted in our mind.
This exactly makes me feel that I'm not alive, makes me live my life unlively. Everything's just flat. No motivation, no passionate. Because everything is just illusion, not real. That's natural for me to want nothing when I think that nothing is real. I mean, when nothing's real, why do I have to wanna something? Even when I have it, it's not real but fake. Then it has no difference for me either way. I don't believe in anything.
I now understand clearly what REEPICHEEP, a swashbuckling mouse, one of the characters in THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER) said.
"WE HAVE NOTHING IF WE DON'T BELIEVE"
Yes, I feel that I have nothing right now. I don't even believe if I'm alive or real. Maybe I'm already dead before I'm really dead in the sense of poeple's paradigm.
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