#7 no title

"...being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all time."
—Huckleberry Finn, in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain.

"When one writes a novel about grown people, he knows exactly where to stop — that is, with marriage; but when he writes of juveniles, he must stop where he best can ... Some day it may seem worth while to take up the story of the younger ones again and see what sort of men and women they turned out to be..."
—Mark Twain, in his conclusion of his novel The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Age Does Matter

Age does matter

When I can finally understand and tolerate why my parents used to be violent at home when I was small but now they've changed just a lot, becoming wiser and more mature parents. When I can understand that somewhere within parents are also children along with their very own ego; some are independent and free individuals, while some others are spoiled brat, hence it's okay when they make mistakes, just like children. And it's perfectly natural when parents treat the first child differently to second and third ones. And it's not about my parents who have grown up by age. It's about me who used to whine to God why my life was so miserable by such parents but now I change, I've grown up in accordance with age.

Age does matter

Huang Guang Liang - Yue Ding (Promise)

王光良 (Huang Guang Liang)
Yue Ding (约定)
Promise

S E E D : Anna Wintour (Reblog)

S E E D : Anna Wintour: “It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten.”  - Anna Wintour -
For everybod...(continue reading)

What I call as Common Civilians

So many of us Indonesians lately have been sensitive enough regarding to issue of criminalization towards Medical Doctors. Not enough being faced to many NGOs and some lawyers run around in hospitals to find medical cases they can aggravate by provoking the patients' family to sue the doctors for what God or Karma or Science does, now the Indonesian Criminal Court also goes unfair.

The story began when an obstetric patient died due to air embolism in the heart that then disrupted the flow of oxygen within the blood circulation of the patient. When patient came to the hospital, she was already pale and weak. Because she's pregnant and was about to give delivery already, the doctor then decided it's emergency case and C-section was to be done ASAP.

Existence of Parents When I am 21

when around 2 months ago my maternal grandmother passed away, and I saw my mom cried over her crossing over with a lot of bursting emotion, I remembered these songs &the MVs, and they have been playing in my mind until now.

The Pain We Hold Onto

There was this Indonesian movie that depicts the lives of a bunch of people, screwed lives. They all are best friends, and each of them has different twisted stories of personal lives. One of is gay, another is a wife cheated by her husband and hence she cheats on her husband (they get divorced eventually), another is a woman left by her husband because they can't have any offspring due to her infertility. As the story of the movie goes on, two new friends appear, completed with two new screwed lives.

So yesterday a friend of mine tweeted that a couple of years ago when he watched the movie, when he was around 15, he felt somewhat disgusted seeing a woman in a midlife cheated on husband and couldn't stay faithful, but now as he has re-watched it again, he's realized that life is just that much complicated, not as simple as child's life.

#2 Unrequited Love

"How timid and delicate unrequited love is? Even though unrequited love finds its own way in, it's a love that gets trapped inside, unable to find an exit. Even though I'm the one who started it, without knowing a thing if (s)he leaves my sight one day, it's a love that ends vain without it ever having a purpose. Never ever even having had the chance to bud or bloom any flowers, a love that can never bear a fruit like a seed left forgotten. That is, unrequited love."

―Go Dok Mi, Flower Boys Next Door

Food and Hang Out Place

Aglio Olio Spaghetti in Popsteak & Pasta

"It's hard to be a hero with an empty stomach." ―Sanosuke Sagara (Rurouni Kenshin). 

It has been three years for me to live in Surakarta as I have to finish up my college study. My only first impressions of this city were two: one is humid with hot weather (and rarely rain poured), two is this city lacked of urban life. That's not all, because the aggravation of those was I stayed in environment of study-holic.

They were the reasons why it wasn't easy for me to adjust myself being a Surakartan. I'm originally from Bogor and right before I came to this city, I had just finished 3 years of high school in Jakarta. Either the weather or the culture of Bogor and Jakarta are pretty much similar. It's easy to adapt from one to another. Moreover, I loved to hang out in Mall when I used to be a citizen of those two cities. That's only until I arrived in Surakarta that I couldn't live my urban lifestyle anymore.

Surakarta, or famed as Solo (its traditional name) is located in Central Java. This makes the language used in daily amongst the citizens is Javanese. Well, my father's family is Javanese, so it only took some months for me to settle my ears. But my way of living had never been Javanese because of my original address and the way I'd been raised before my living in Solo. The only escapism I could take were being alone, surfing the internet, and going to mall.

Another Dream and The Power of Wish

When I first time entered AMSA about 2.5 years ago, all I expected was to participate in its enjoyable & cool events and to expand my networking of fellow medical students in Indonesia. I thought it would be splendid to travel around attending some events or meetings then got to know many new people and be friends with them. However, as I went on walking my journey, I realized that AMSA was bigger than that; it offered not only fun and excitement, but a whole new horizon and experience.

AMSA has 3 philosophies as its base of activities: Knowledge, Action, Friendship. It provides many kinds of activities as the space for its members to develop in accordance with the authenticity of each person. Peer tutorials, lectures in every event (either national or international), social services, charity, leadership training, organizational experiences, and many more of ways to develop oneself according to the philosophies I've undergone. They all have enriched me as a person in terms of academic knowledge, compassion and conscience as a future medical doctor, and also personality as I've shared good & bad moments with many other members that I consider them as friends.

Sacrificial Day: Dogma v.s. Individual Principles

Is a Muslim automatically a sinner (or even an infidel) if he/she doesn't believe in sacrificial day? That he/she believes the day is only about animals slaughtering, charity for people who're not even in urgent need of meat, and is merely about a tradition without rational reasoning.

I remember when I was a child, once a year my parents told me to see and attend the moment when the animals were to be slaughtered, to be killed as the celebration of Abraham's story. Not enough with the bloody event, I should further see when the dead cows and goats were to be skinned. Sometimes my dad assigned me to get some of the meat for home.

Aside than those, I still vividly remember one of those days when there was a goat which roared deeply and it sounded sadly for me as a small kid when it was herded to the place and got prepared for the slaughtering. When the people started to chant prayers, the voice of the goat sounded deeper and sadder. I then shouted to them "Poor goat. It cries.", and then my little brother said he saw tears falling from one of the goat's eyes. Seeing the slaughtering happened, the other goat not far from where we stood, started to get anxious, but then it stopped moving as if it had surrendered helplessly. As the same fate came upon this other goat, the same deep sad roar came out.

Wherever Those Dreams May Lead: Passion

Lately I've been reading a lot of articles. Articles about passion, articles about moving on and letting go, articles about being true to oneself, and of course some articles about life enlightenment. This all happened exactly at the same time of when I realized that I had lost myself.

No, it's not that I was wandering around in the middle of forest while reading them and then I couldn't return to my place. I'm not that reckless (or perhaps am I?).

I still remember when in High School the institution taught its all students about Igantian Spirits, which one of is Magis, getting better and better as a person through daily reflection made into a journal. I didn't understand how I would be a better person by per se, in fact, all students and I tried our best to ditch the obligation.

But now I do. And I also have to laugh at and give a bit of cynical smile to that teenager from few years ago that underestimated the valuable teaching from his notable beloved Canisius College High School.

Letting Go

"Because at the end of the day, life is but a fleeting moment, a series of events that come and go, emotions that arise and disappear, feelings that develop and wane, moments that spark and fade.  It is not a never-ending situation, a game without match point or the blowing of a whistle nor a perpetual film without the credit titles.

As such, life could only be about letting go, for in doing so we create the space for new things, new experiences, new people and new emotions to enter into our lives.  Thus we are enriched.  For when we hold on to old things, to stale emotions, to habitual thoughts and ageing beliefs, we allow ourselves to be in a constant state of death, of arrested development and of not living a fulfilled life.

As I grew up, I would enjoy the feeling of going away, leaving home to distant shores and delight in being under different skies and bask in unfamiliar surroundings.  I would take these new experiences and store them as sweet memories, grateful for the opportunity to appreciate them.  And I had long learned not to be sad on the way home, nor feel a sense of loss or regret that the moment has ended.
Instead, I cherish the feeling of wonder and excitement that allow me to develop a sense of anticipation for future journeys and more adventures.  This way, life is not about endings, but about new beginnings.  Death is not to be mourned or feared, but to be embraced as a necessary part of our constant rebirth."

―Desi Anwar

source courtesy: http://www.desianwar.com/writings/journal/113-letting-go.html 

When All Things in Life Are About Loss

Winning any competition is a different matter. Because losing there doesn't mean the end, not to mention we can always register for another tourney and prepare ourselves for the next battle. That way, we have nothing to lose because in fact we keep improving and climbing the hill of achievement. We don't lose by that way, we triumph and we keep gaining the perishable pleasure.

However, I'm talking about another definition of loss. I'm talking about when finally we realize all of those victories over marvelous titles labelled on us becoming meaningless and then we turn from worshiping into hating them. Being cool or popular no longer feels nice, which on the contrary, we regret it. That moment we are aware of what we truly are fond of, is the moment we finally wake up knowing we've always been losing, no win at all. Glory is bullshit.

In this world of uncertainty, I tend to look for fake and delusional joys than to

One by One, Dreams Come True

I wished hard for it, I gave shots in some opportunities, until one day my prayer would be answered. And now that one of the dreams come true, self-pride and gratitude and faith get stronger through. Why is it still I cannot believe in the power of belief? Perhaps someday soon by more life lessons, I will.

Meredith Grey Hath Spoken (Grey's Anatomy Quote)

#6 no title

Science

“Numbers are as close as we get to the hand writing of God.”

“Numbers don’t lie. Politics and poetry, those are lies. ”

―Herman Gottlieb, Pacific Rim

I Bid Thee Adieu, Grandmother

“Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.”
― Walt Disney Company

As I've been living my life for 21 years, I can't help but to find changes when I compare my childhood to my current phase of life. By 'changes' I refer to those things used to exist but now no longer do. Things that have been with me since I was born or since I was little, but now have left me. Although many new things came as time went by, but can they replace what I lost? Would they feel the same? Can they cure the pain of great loss I suffer?

I hate it when people tell me to let go. I hate it when people tell me to move on. I hate it when people tell me to stay strong. I hate it when people pretend to be wise facing sorrow. What do they know about my feeling? What do they understand about my grief?

Now and right now, the tears keep falling inside and sometimes it flows out as I've lost a very important person I'm fond of. Everything the person always did to me, nobody will do it the same, or

WHY WE SHOUT IN ANGER

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

'Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.'

'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.

To Children: Don't ever grow up!

Before National Work Plan Meeting AMSA-Indonesia 2013, The Very First National Event Hosted by AMSA-UNS Ever!!

Two and a half years ago, when I entered AMSA-UNS, it was a collapse medical student organisation in campus. almost no member at all.
I decided to join, persuaded some friends to also join, and few months later we participated in AMSA National Event.

Few weeks after, AMSA-UNS had a local event, and in evaluation meeting, we discussed whether to dare hosting national event. We decided: "no, we're not ready yet."

One year then passed. We already gained more members, and on August 2012, we hosted AMSA Exchange Programme, having incoming medical students from AMSA Taiwan.

As in the next process, conflicts happened amongst members. But according to some elders in AMSA-Indonesia, it's a natural and common phenomenon. it's a sign we were progressing to the better phase.

After gaining more members from batch of 2012, we grew bigger, then decided to host national event, for the first time ever for AMSA-UNS. Totally it wasn't easy. It would never be easy. But as for today, we've made it.

Sorry, it's not "we". It's "They've made it". Why "they"? because I didn't help much. I didn't even one who decided to host it. I wasn't even part of the committee. I was even one who doubted that they could make it. But still, I was feeling so excited.

AMSA-Indonesia Again, After Some Old but Broader Drama

Long short, after almost one year, I finally have been involved again in AMSA-Indonesia. Not as Delegate, not as any committee, not as any officer, but as a...well, uhm, I don't even know how to put it. There were some dramas, I was the only one who knew and understood the complete story, the reason why one thing happened and then caused other things, and there I've been like an agent who gathered all information and then distributed it to the authority who needed to decide solutions.

It doesn't stop there. There was this junior, a junior from highschool and also in AMSA (but different university) who asked me to give him advices and knowledge about AMSA-Indonesia because he was a Regional Chairperson Candidate (he lost though). It was like almost every night I spent to have skype chat with him, to teach him a lot of things and to help him answering questions in mailing-list campaign.

When We Are Being Honest

Have you ever tried being profoundly honest to everyone including yourself? Have you ever felt that you are simply so blunt or people tell you so? Or perhaps are you kind of person who is honest and blunt?

Yes, we are taught to be honest, to people and to ourselves. Yes, we can find it in every religious and moral teaching that honesty is important. But then, do we also realize that sometimes, or most of times, people hate honesty? do we realize that we ourselves also fear being honest?

It is when you are within a community, or within an organisation, or within your very own friendship that

Date A Girl Who Writes

DATE A GIRL WHO WRITES

This is a reblog, but I can't find who the author is. So to the author out there for only God knows who, thank you to have made such post.
Moreover, I think it would be very amazing if I could have such girlfriend like mentioned in the post below :P

*
Date a girl who writes because she will be able to recall in detail the dialog between you two, and while it gets you in trouble, it’s endearing and sweet at the same time that she remembers. This also forces you to choose your words carefully and you will become an expert in diction.
Date a girl who writes because she understands the complexities of characters, and knows you are more than your successes, failures, winnings, or losses. She loves all the layers of you, all the deep parts and even the shallow. When you are acting like the villain, she will see the goodness in you. When you are the hero, she’ll still secretly admire your flaws. All the depths of you become her big adventure.

Date a girl who writes

The 3rd MUN, The 1st Acievement (Finally)

The Most Outstanding Delegate of ASEAN Committee in Diponegoro Model United Nations 2013,
as Delegate of Philippines

(fyi, The Most Outstanding Delegate means the 2nd Best Delegate. The 1st one is awarded to be The Best Delegate)

As We Grow Older, We Must Be Used To Death

Reblogged from: thoughtcatalog
Original Author: Nayia Moysidis
Original Title: A Friend Died, and I had Not Idea

I found out from her mother. From her mother’s email. The one requesting photographs of our time together one summer long ago in London. She asked if I had memories I’d be willing to share. She said she’d be grateful. At first, I thought she was just organizing her daughter’s photos or making her daughter a scrapbook or surprising her daughter with images that had somehow been deleted from her daughter’s hard drive. All these thoughts to avoid the one that I feared above the rest.

But on her daughter’s Facebook page, I found my answer. I miss you more every day, her cousin wrote. I felt nauseous but still. Shocked and confused and ashamed and regretful, but still.

And then I found myself crying. Tears that weren’t just about her. Crying from shame for not knowing. Not just because I’d discovered such intimate news in such a public place. Not just because I immediately regretted not spending more time with her. Not just because my regret felt so futile and empty and foolish and cliche, that I was missing someone only after she was gone. Not just because I knew that her passing wouldn’t be enough to make me reach out to others. Not just because I felt

It Might Be You

Title: It Might Be You
Singer: Monita Tahalea

Time...

I've been passing time watching trains go by,

All of my life...

Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly

Wishing there would be

Someone waiting home for me...

Chorus:

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you...

All of my life...

Looking back as lovers go walking past...

What 20 Has Been For Me, For You, For Us?

As the entitled post saying, I almost run out of time, of 20. Of course it also applies to many of friends in my surrounding; in fact, some of them have already lost their 20.

Now let's play being a philosopher again. It's always fun, isn't it? Because every part of life always has its own meaning to, why don't we just take a seat with a cup of coffee or perhaps tea (in case you don't favour coffee) and then have some contemplation? Reflection to life lesson.

What has 20 been for you? What has it been like for us? What lessons have been learnt? We always have our own stories.

.................................................................

20 indeed has brought some awakenings I never had before in my teens, not really novel but definitely surprising. So who said life is too mainstream and monotone? Don't trust him!

Me personally, has been taught about Fate itself even more profound, about the true Happiness, and Death. For a year of growing up, I think it's quite lessons I've received. Now let's have some elaboration.

What kind of Fate I referred above?

Unrequited Love

Reblogged from: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/when-they-dont-love-you-back/

by:  Chelsea Fagan (February 11, 2013)

Entitled: When They Don't Love You Back

There’s a strange feeling that sometimes overcomes us when we’re reaching out to someone, this feeling of acute embarrassment. “Are we bothering them?” we ask ourselves, and almost wanting to apologize for even sending a message in the first place. It’s as though our very presence in their lives is a nuisance, and our efforts to connect as friends or lovers is one that only complicates things for them. We want to say, “I’m sorry that I want to talk to you, it’s weird and I should probably stop.”

The thing is, you can feel when you’re bothering someone. It’s not difficult to tell when you are the one who is always reaching out, always initiating contact, always starting the conversation. You realize in a way that is at once terribly humiliating and almost masochistically sweet that you are the one chasing after them. When they grant you

Me & Ciong, It Just Doesn't Work

Dear fate, life, and universe.

I profoundly understand how this year is pretty much supposed to be CIONG for me. I can see how hard you try to bestow misfortunes upon me. I appreciate the way you try to maintain Yin-Yang amongst people and thus happiness and suffer must co-exist.

However, if you really wish me to sink and be drowned into the ocean of sorrow, just get over it. No matter how novel your attempts, I'll stand still and laugh against the misery of irony. No matter how industrious you try to fuck with me, I'll still be the one singing and dancing in the storm.

Yes, I am that crazy and a bitch!

Bittersweet Victory

The People You Think They Are Fine, They're Not

煙花易冷 / Yānhuā yì lěng

Pinyin:

Fan Hua Sheng Dun Ru Kong Men Zhe Sha Le Shi Ren
Meng Pian Leng Zhan Zhuan Yi Sheng Qing Zhai You Ji Ben
Ru Ni Mo Ren Sheng Si Ku Deng
Ku Deng Yi Quan You Yi Quan De Nian Lun

Fu Tu Ta Duan Le Ji Ceng Duan Le Shui De Hun
Tong Zhi Ben Yi Zhan Can Deng Qing Ta De Shan Men
Rong Wo Zai Deng Li Shi Zhuan Shen
Deng Jiu Xiang Chun Deng Ni Dan Yi Qu Gu Zheng

Yu Fen Fen Jiu Gu Li Cao Mu Shen
Wo Ting Wen Ni Shi Zhong Yi Ge Ren
Ban Bo De Cheng Men Pan Ju Zhe Lao Shu Gen
Shi Ban Shang Hui Dang De Shi Zai Deng

My Name Is DIO

*A BIG NO! This is not the sequel of My Name Is Khan, and not related to at all*
*But it may be nice idea to make film about me*

As this blog is entitled FATE, it's good for once in while having a post related to the blog's title. Since it's pretty hard to contemplate events happened in daily life, I think it's easier to take a look to something very close to myself and has never left me since we first time met. It's my own nick name: DIO

However, this time, unlike the previous post about my name which I only talked about myself, we will also explore 2 other people's names and they are also related to me: my little brother and my little sister.

So, what's with the names?

Erwin Huang's Graduation Show: Two Fifty Six (Saturday, April 20th 2013)

The last set of photos below may not be related to the title of this post, so let's ignore that part. That's just my self-esteem with myself that wants to have spotlight though just a little bit.

Now let's go to the main actor of this post. Erwin.

Biru - Shena Malsiana featuring Vina Panduwinata (X Factor Indonesia Gala Show April 19th 2013)

One of current most popular TV Show in Indonesia is X-Factor. There were at first 13 finalists chosen divided into 4 categories: above 26, Boys, Girls, and Groups. The judges are very well known and notable professional either musicians or singers from Indonesia, they are: Bebi Romeo (Music Producer), Anggun C. Sasmi (International Singer from Indonesia), Rossa (Professional Singer), and Ahmad Dhani (Music Producer). Now is only 5 finalists left to reach the victory of this very 1st season of the show.

Words of Buddha

The following post belongs to my friend's post on his very own blog which I stole but later I'll ask for his permission (surely he will allow it anyway :P).
I think this is kinda elaboration of what Ehipassiko means (shall one come to prove by oneself). And also as in Buddhism it's expected that "shall the wisdom and knowledge we gain be illumination for all", thus I think it becomes justifiable for me to also share it here *me reasons myself*. Nevertheless, this is exactly the religious teaching that's most inline with science.
Without any further ado, I wish thee to be pleased internally by the preach.

Story from 2 years ago: My Prologue in AMSA-UNS and SEF-UNS

Below is my blog-post I made 2 years ago, on 23rd February 2011. I don't really remember what I thought and felt back then, but I know (from the blog post) I was going to join AMSA-UNS (a medical student organisation) and SEF-UNS (an English debate forum/society of UNS).

A little image of reasons why I was so worried about joining both of them, was because AMSA had been inactive for more about 1 year and had nearly no active member at all two years ago; and SEF (in my perspective; sorry seniors :P) wasn't really active and good in debate. Both were DYING. However,

I Am The One Who Must Be Thankful, Thank You Very Much

and there are tons of "I'm sorry" I really would like to utter.

Ni gei le wo yi shou

Love song

Ni jiu xiang na xia tian de liang feng

Cui guo wo de mian kong

Zhen xiang fei Zai wo xin di Ni jiu shi wo di

Xiang shou ai ni

Faith

The thing about fear, Sometimes things aren't as bad as we thought they were.

At some certain degrees, we really should stop exaggerating life, or future;

They may be uncertain, but choices and responses are predictable.

(Not Really) New Year

Firework can break the silence, but a night is still a night. Every moment will fade away, but time repeats the daily. You can have your resolution, you can make up new hopes for new year, but people don't change in a blink of one night. What you are will still be what you are. What you don't have will not be yours unless you buy them. Isn't party you enjoy tonight just the same as other parties thrown in every other night? Denial, Escape, Social? Just admit. We know how miserable we are.

Hypocrites will still be hypocrites. Corrupt bitches will still be bitching around. After tonight, only those who get married or those who have new jobs will find changes in life. Not if you've been married to your job, though.