Age Does Matter

Age does matter

When I can finally understand and tolerate why my parents used to be violent at home when I was small but now they've changed just a lot, becoming wiser and more mature parents. When I can understand that somewhere within parents are also children along with their very own ego; some are independent and free individuals, while some others are spoiled brat, hence it's okay when they make mistakes, just like children. And it's perfectly natural when parents treat the first child differently to second and third ones. And it's not about my parents who have grown up by age. It's about me who used to whine to God why my life was so miserable by such parents but now I change, I've grown up in accordance with age.

Age does matter

When I remember there is a High School English Teacher who is not only very capable and clever in English, but also a very wise woman. She's around 70s, and she even was a teacher of my dad's. In her class, we all must start with a moment of silence around 5-10 minutes before entering the subject. And now you realize it's technically another form of meditation. She's also very inspiring as she told about life wisdom, the real deal ones. And when she told about her life stories, you just knew she didn't lie and had faced it strongly. And now whenever the teacher gives lessons, I always wish she would be immortal for there are more people who need her.

Age does matter

When I throwback looking at myself in the past, and all that comes crossing my mind is how embarrassing I was, how stupid I was, how silly I was. And then I regret. And even so, I end up forgiving myself to be that kind of person in the past. And that's the more reason why age does matter.

Because you know you're getting older when you see people younger than you who resembled yourself in the past a lot, and then you start to feel annoyed. Not by the younger people, but by the fact that you used to be that way. And then you hate it, you hate yourself. You pity yourself and then you laugh at yourself. You know you're getting older when all of those impulsiveness, high self-pride, arrogance, stubbornness, and ego of proving you're not wrong at all start fading away. And you know you're getting older when you decide to lose in argument intentionally, for you know the person whom you argue with will not be able to understand your words right away, but someday in the future they will. And you just smile when the say "age is just numbers".

Because you know you're getting older when you finally decide stopping all of your ambition, decide to finally settle down because you now understand that happiness is simplicity. But then you realize you're getting old even more when you rethink of that decision, that you suddenly wonder whether to let go of those dreams, or to grasp them then grip them firmly but losing the warmth of love.

Because you know you're getting older when you start to doubt about whatever decision you're about to make, for there's no certainty you are guaranteed with. And then no matter you try to measure things up, it's no use. The possibility of failure and vain in the future will always be there, and pretty much high. And you know you're getting older when you understand that in the end of the day, all you can do is to have faith, to believe in whatever decision it is to take.

Because you know you're getting older when you used to underestimate the power of love, that you thought there was no way a love of junior high school students could be the real deal, until you finally realize that the person is the one and the only you can ever fall in love truly that neither distance nor time can surpass. And without realizing it, it has been more than 8 years. Sadly, you've trifled away the love and the past cannot be returned. And you know you're getting older when finally understand this, you no longer want to repeat the same mistakes.

Because you know you're getting older when your grandmother passed away, and you saw your grandfather sitting there without shedding any single tears. It's as if he had been fine, and in fact glad to see his wife to crossover, no longer in pain of life. As a matter of fact, it was your grandfather who tried to cheer up everyone, his children and his grandchildren. And here you space out what if it were you who had to face the situation, seeing your dearest person to be the one that death do you both part. You know you're not that strong as for now. But maybe one day, you will be just like your grandfather.

Because you know you're getting older when all people came to you seeking for consultation used to be only about boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, but now they talk about marriage and sexuality. And I don't want to discuss this any further.

Because you know you're getting older when you believe that children shouldn't be lied about dreams, because you know they're not moron. And you also believe that children should be told what growing up is about, and all conflict of interest between ambition versus love life.

Because you know you're getting older when you finally understand that truth is not the same as righteousness. There are times when telling truth can be exactly the wrongdoing. There are times when telling lies is righteousness. And justice doesn't always have to be equally generalised.

Because you know you're getting older that although you understand that happiness is simplicity, but life most often gets so much complicated. At this state, there is no way to tell nor judge good from evil and vice versa. And you know you're getting older when you let the Ruler of Karma to be the one who decides, and you just live your life as best as you can attempt.

And thus, age does matter.

For having these all thoughts only when I finally reach certain age of my life. It matters because I can contemplate them after certain life experience I've journeyed to, after meeting and getting to know many people in life, after reading more and assorted articles and books that somehow have shaped me in some ways. And they all can happen because I get older in numbers. Thus age does matter. Age is not merely numbers.

Age doesn't lie. It determines someone's wisdom to some extents; we don't have to compare one's maturity to others in accordance with the age, but compare it to ourselves in past. It may vary in term of time it should take for someone to reach certain maturity, but surely one gets more mature as one gets older. It's natural phenomenon.

And what I pity myself is because to know that as I've made this post, I'm getting older, despite wishing I could return to my childhood.