I now realize how important reflection is. I quite regret that I used to underestimate it when I was in High School. If there will be any chance, I would like to apologize to Father Sigit who was the Father of Moderator when I was in High School that I always didn't make my daily reflection.
Well, by making a daily reflection, so that we can really understand and realize how exactly God appears and help us in our life. It's very logic that if we don't even understand and concious that God is always with us, we can't be so thankful for every single blessing He Himself has given us. And yes, if we don't feel thankful for what we have in life, everytime we feel and think is always that we are lacking of fulfillment of needs, lacking of luck or fortune in life, and we will feel that God has never been fair enough to us.
Grumbling, Blaming on others or something but ourselves, are always what we end up with at this rate. At last, so many negative thoughts about life will prey our soul and spiritual life so that we then end up lost. Truthfully, this is exactly what I feel or I've ever felt about myself, and what I see and I've seen so far from my surroundings right now. Well, that's true that this life is full of pain and sadness, but I remember that Kahlil Gibran ever said that Happiness has no meaning if there's no sadness.
Actually it doesn't mean that I now feel desperate or else, it's just I feel so many problems come before my eyes, and I see others also face the same situation as I do. I just suddenly realize that at least writing things can be cery helpful for facing problems. It can get our mind a bit relaxed and make us feel a bit calm. And I suppose that the good writing can be a daily reflection about what we receive in life.
I personally can't tell about my matters here openly, it's way way way too private (that's why I never share my story to others, because only the very big deals can mess up my mind). But here I can say that it feels too difficult to bear than what people usually experience ( I swear). However, as it is said that there's no temptation God gives us when there's no way for us to overcome it. Well, I do believe it. Beside, until now I'm given chance to breathe, to type words at this note, so I'm sure God does have a good plan about me.
I believe that He will never ever ever leave me alone walking on this land. He will always be there for everyone no matter who it is. And I know it's very normal for people to have problems in life, and they get more difficult and more complicated as people are growing up and getting older. Sometimes we also have to understand that by passing by the hard pathway, we can learn to be wiser for the tomorrow.
I finally find myself in the same situation just like anyone, feeling dumped, dissappointed, broken heart, feeling rejected, angry, hating others, and many more. I'm very just a human. Everysingle negative feeling I have received so far since I don't know the first time I thought I felt them (in this case), really makes me feel so down. Well, people always feel so down, right? and I am part of the people, so it's okay for me to be this way, I think.
In conclusion, I just wanna say I thank You God, You've given me so many people love me, so many things I can possess, and so many blessings I receive so that I can survive until now. I know You've taken care of me though I'm not such a good boy as too many sins I've made in life compared to my goodness. You're way too kind to me when I can only make this a little reflection as my thanks to You. I know it's not my place to ask You for more when You've blessed me with everything, but I beg on You one thing, for what makes me feel not fine (in this case), please help me to find the best solution. You're the only One knows what is the best for me. I may expect anything, but You the One decide. I'll try my best as myself not someone else, and the rest depends on You.
Special Additional thanks to:
1. CC
2. Someone who suggests me to write things about a little reflection about God's role in my life.
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