Living The Eternity

It is someday you suddenly feel surprised to recognize your surroundings and your daily life, that everything doesn't seem to fit your memory. You feel like everything is strangers to you, and you are a stranger to everything. It's as if you were isolated in a small point of the day and night that keep rotating their shifts, and you can't seem to find your place anywhere within.

It turns out you haven't changed at all from the self of yours from a certain point in your life, somewhere in the past. People say your face doesn't age, and neither does your behaviour. The way you look upon the world might slightly be different, but it doesn't affect the outcome you give to people around. For them, when they meet you, it's as if they saw someone who traveled time from the past to the present, and indeed they recognize you that way. Ironically, for you, they are strangers. You try but cannot at all recognize who they are although your brain has associated their similar faces and voices to the certain people in your memory. You just know these are not them you once knew.

So now you realize that everyone is moving on with their lives. Just like how the DNA expression is influenced by environmental factors that we meet through living, and thus the DNA expression has changed from time to time, people also must adapt to standard of living that keeps changing from day to day. Because the needs change, the people surround them change, the goals of life change, the social status changes, hence they change.

But you don't. You have reached an eternity. You are living the time that you create infinitely according to your wish. Your reality is stuck on a certain piece of your life. You cannot get out of there, because you don't want either. You don't move on as much as you don't wanna let go. Only that part of your life that can make you whole, make you alive. Hence, you decide to stay. You choose to trap yourself there. Because although you know it sounds pathetic, it somehow makes you happy.

Everyday sounds so quiet because those voices out there that try to come in cannot enter the door you've shut. The only sound and voice you can hear are only those inside your head, and ironically they're so noisy. And there are times when you attempt to let the door be opened a little to let some fresh air come, but the air is so thin, and it hurts you as it sneaks in. So you shut the door again and you don't want to exit the room.

In that very room of yours, of the certain point of your life you lock your time there, there's only you and you alone. Some people might come and go but they cease anyway moving onto the next phase of life, for their lives are not locked in the eternity like yours. Some of them have tried pulling you out, but you refuse. You believe outside the reality you create is gonna make you vulnerable, and then you'll be torn apart into pieces again unable to survive the pain. It's always safer to stay in and never out, and it's the safest way because you don't want any more heartbreaking moment to make you lose your balance on the ground. You tell yourself "enough is enough".

In that very room of yours, you are waiting for something. You are waiting for something you've once lost to return again to you, but you don't know how long it will take. Despite of, you opt to wait anyway. No matter how long it takes, you solemnly are devoted to wait. You believe one way or another it is going to return to you, or maybe you return to it. That is why you choose to stay in the indefinite dimension of time and space, you choose to live the eternity. Because somehow, just somehow, you know that as long as you are there, waiting, that very something you wish to return to will eventually cross your way again, someday. As long as you are alive, the destiny may end up taking both you and the thing you are awaiting on the same road in the same time, either intentionally or mistakenly. That is why you do not move and cannot be moved.

Even so, you realize you are hurt anyway, because the people you once knew are no longer there. Some have changed, some have deceased, some have left you for whatever reasons they have. You see you end up alone, and the loneliness possesses you and corrupts your soul. Now you are even more devastated than before. So you lock yourself even deeper and further. You, again, cut yourself out of people. You repeatedly keep replaying the afterimages from the time frame you pick as your eternal reality, so that it will overwhelm and protect you.

So you live the eternity, as much as you eternally embrace the past.