This time I have got a lot of stories to tell. Now I'm very confused and really don't know which I have to start from. So let's just begin from the very latest news.
ACADEMIC MATTER
Actually on this 8th June, there is an announcement of the admission of UMB examination. You know, UMB is my third examination for admission in faculty of medicine. I had my first examination in UTUL-UGM and my second in SIMAK-UI. As you see now, I failed in all of the examination.
Maybe some would wonder why I only applied for the top ranked universities in Indonesia (UI and UGM), especially since I applied for faculty of medicine. Well, so here is my clarification (it's explanation actually):
1. For whole my life, I've been dreaming to be a doctor. I really want to work as a doctor helping sick people who are suffering from any kind of disease. It somewhat becomes very impossible for me to just throw away my dream for life just because I want to pass the examination so I can continue my study in UI or UGM with whichever faculty. I don't choose the university just to study with whatever faculty, but I choose the faculty then I consider university that probably can support my future accordingly. I know it sounds a bit arrogant or whatever you say, but truly, this is me. I am who I am and yes, I'm such an idealist one.
2. Continuing study is not something that we can simply gamble with since our future is at stake there. Naturally I want to have my study to be continued in a top ranked university (in Indonesia--> please highlight this ones) because at least it can guarantee my future that I can get job easier, or at least it's what people say. Moreover, it will be a pride for me if I can continue my study (this if clause still uses condition 1 since there is SNMPTN left).
Exactly!!!
For point one, I may be right, but I'm not for point 2. Everyone of course knows that in order to assure about our future, it's not from what university we are from, but what and who we are. My paradigm and thought are surely very narrow and wrong, but I can't help it. Really I can't. Besides, I'm also still considering about my damn dignity. I think (and I'm sure) I will feel despicable if I can't continue my study in prestigious ones. So far, I have kept increasing my prestige by continuing study from considerable school, to another more considerable one. As the result, I could show off to my friends from previous school that I was good. However, now I can no more. how pitiful I am, right?
I always thought that I was such a beloved creature of God. I felt that I was the favourite one. That's why I thought I always got what I wanted. I was so sure that I was kind of human that owned a heavenly grace and blessing on his side. However, all of my vanity now is broken. I've lost.
At last, in SNMPTN I've applied for one else beside UI, it's University of Jendral Soedirman (UNSOED). Though I still have applied for faculty of medicine, I no more expect myself to be able not to fail for UI. Well, I can only apply for UNSOED beside UI for some reasons. One of my reasons is, I don't want to go outside this Java Island yet. I don't know why, but I just feel like that.
Speaking of which, it's not only me who undergo this depression of repeated failures. There are also some close friends of me that feel the same way. I, however, don't get depressed as much as them (I think) since it's been weeks or maybe a month that I've given up to the case. I even told my parents that I had already been fed up with all this. I could and can take it no more, and I still am fed up with.
Honestly, I am so tired of having to strive so much and then disappointed. That's why I've simply just given up to this. I don't think that I have to force myself to get something that it seems I can't even enjoy the process. Besides, I think I have ever experienced a time when I left every single joy and chance of happiness I had in order to get something that at last I did not enjoy. I have a lot of pain and regret upon it. So, now I decided not to force myself anymore and enjoy my present. I guess I must respect myself a bit as a human, not robot. I must stop thinking about my pride, dignity, or stuff like that. It's enough for me.
READING BLOGS
I like to read lot of things. Reading makes me feel comfortable. Usually I choose those which have meaning and worth information for me. It's sometimes more about rare things that people will never have any interest about (and people always say it heavy case or stuff). However, I don't know why that recently I more prefer those that only have easy case to read. I start it from reading my friends' blogs that they commonly use Bahasa Indonesia on their blog (though sometimes English) and the theme of what they write is always about life. They share their own story, opinion, feelings, and stuff like thoughts on their blog. It's of course very easy for me to catch up with and I totally do enjoy it.
That's why I do follow some my friends' blog so I can easily find theirs and can read anytime I want. Unfortunately, it seems one of them dislike my deeds (though I truly have no any other purpose, but reading), so he totally lock his blog that nobody can read it. Actually I don't know whether he's only banning me or everyone, and I also don't know whether he will keep it forever or maybe later, he will at least lemme access it.
I kind of pissed off with this, honestly, but I know it's his right. It's his blog, after all.
DEED OF SOME CELEBRITIES IN INDONESIA
I don't know what's wrong with these people (actually it's specified to just some celebrities), but some of them somehow love to make any scandal and sensation to the public. Okay, just to the point: Porn Video.
It started with a sex video of a lovely romantic couple stars. Then now the rumors said that the man-character not only play in one video with one woman-character, but there are sex-tape (or whatever, I don't know the name) videos of the man-character have sex with some women-characters. I can only say: WHAT??!!
I don't know whether the videos are true or not. I don't know whether it's really them or not. I haven't watched the videos yet. I also understand so much even if the videos are right, that no matter what, it's their really essential right to do whatever they want. I also see that it's just because they are celebrities so people everywhere are talking about, gossiping about, and blaming on them. I also can understand it, however, it's none of my business, that I don't have any particular reason to care about them.
Nevertheless, what I really truly don't understand, is how come the videos somehow got 'spread out' through internet. Especially since it's not only one video, but some videos (well, I don't personally know if it's some, I just heard the rumor). I think the videos were supposed to be their private property that nobody could access it. Moreover, it became the Top Trending Topic on Twitter. For me it's more like "Oh My Gosh"!!! (though I honestly also tweeted some about it). Well, in short, it seems like they did it (let the videos accessible in internet) deliberately. I don't mean it, I just say: it seems.
(okay, enough about the gossip).
...............................................
well, since this post apparently is already too long, I will continue some I want to post later in the next one. I also think that this blog needs some picture to be posted.
Okay it's enough for me today to write plenty of things.
ACADEMIC MATTER
Actually on this 8th June, there is an announcement of the admission of UMB examination. You know, UMB is my third examination for admission in faculty of medicine. I had my first examination in UTUL-UGM and my second in SIMAK-UI. As you see now, I failed in all of the examination.
Maybe some would wonder why I only applied for the top ranked universities in Indonesia (UI and UGM), especially since I applied for faculty of medicine. Well, so here is my clarification (it's explanation actually):
1. For whole my life, I've been dreaming to be a doctor. I really want to work as a doctor helping sick people who are suffering from any kind of disease. It somewhat becomes very impossible for me to just throw away my dream for life just because I want to pass the examination so I can continue my study in UI or UGM with whichever faculty. I don't choose the university just to study with whatever faculty, but I choose the faculty then I consider university that probably can support my future accordingly. I know it sounds a bit arrogant or whatever you say, but truly, this is me. I am who I am and yes, I'm such an idealist one.
2. Continuing study is not something that we can simply gamble with since our future is at stake there. Naturally I want to have my study to be continued in a top ranked university (in Indonesia--> please highlight this ones) because at least it can guarantee my future that I can get job easier, or at least it's what people say. Moreover, it will be a pride for me if I can continue my study (this if clause still uses condition 1 since there is SNMPTN left).
Exactly!!!
For point one, I may be right, but I'm not for point 2. Everyone of course knows that in order to assure about our future, it's not from what university we are from, but what and who we are. My paradigm and thought are surely very narrow and wrong, but I can't help it. Really I can't. Besides, I'm also still considering about my damn dignity. I think (and I'm sure) I will feel despicable if I can't continue my study in prestigious ones. So far, I have kept increasing my prestige by continuing study from considerable school, to another more considerable one. As the result, I could show off to my friends from previous school that I was good. However, now I can no more. how pitiful I am, right?
I always thought that I was such a beloved creature of God. I felt that I was the favourite one. That's why I thought I always got what I wanted. I was so sure that I was kind of human that owned a heavenly grace and blessing on his side. However, all of my vanity now is broken. I've lost.
At last, in SNMPTN I've applied for one else beside UI, it's University of Jendral Soedirman (UNSOED). Though I still have applied for faculty of medicine, I no more expect myself to be able not to fail for UI. Well, I can only apply for UNSOED beside UI for some reasons. One of my reasons is, I don't want to go outside this Java Island yet. I don't know why, but I just feel like that.
Speaking of which, it's not only me who undergo this depression of repeated failures. There are also some close friends of me that feel the same way. I, however, don't get depressed as much as them (I think) since it's been weeks or maybe a month that I've given up to the case. I even told my parents that I had already been fed up with all this. I could and can take it no more, and I still am fed up with.
Honestly, I am so tired of having to strive so much and then disappointed. That's why I've simply just given up to this. I don't think that I have to force myself to get something that it seems I can't even enjoy the process. Besides, I think I have ever experienced a time when I left every single joy and chance of happiness I had in order to get something that at last I did not enjoy. I have a lot of pain and regret upon it. So, now I decided not to force myself anymore and enjoy my present. I guess I must respect myself a bit as a human, not robot. I must stop thinking about my pride, dignity, or stuff like that. It's enough for me.
READING BLOGS
I like to read lot of things. Reading makes me feel comfortable. Usually I choose those which have meaning and worth information for me. It's sometimes more about rare things that people will never have any interest about (and people always say it heavy case or stuff). However, I don't know why that recently I more prefer those that only have easy case to read. I start it from reading my friends' blogs that they commonly use Bahasa Indonesia on their blog (though sometimes English) and the theme of what they write is always about life. They share their own story, opinion, feelings, and stuff like thoughts on their blog. It's of course very easy for me to catch up with and I totally do enjoy it.
That's why I do follow some my friends' blog so I can easily find theirs and can read anytime I want. Unfortunately, it seems one of them dislike my deeds (though I truly have no any other purpose, but reading), so he totally lock his blog that nobody can read it. Actually I don't know whether he's only banning me or everyone, and I also don't know whether he will keep it forever or maybe later, he will at least lemme access it.
I kind of pissed off with this, honestly, but I know it's his right. It's his blog, after all.
DEED OF SOME CELEBRITIES IN INDONESIA
I don't know what's wrong with these people (actually it's specified to just some celebrities), but some of them somehow love to make any scandal and sensation to the public. Okay, just to the point: Porn Video.
It started with a sex video of a lovely romantic couple stars. Then now the rumors said that the man-character not only play in one video with one woman-character, but there are sex-tape (or whatever, I don't know the name) videos of the man-character have sex with some women-characters. I can only say: WHAT??!!
I don't know whether the videos are true or not. I don't know whether it's really them or not. I haven't watched the videos yet. I also understand so much even if the videos are right, that no matter what, it's their really essential right to do whatever they want. I also see that it's just because they are celebrities so people everywhere are talking about, gossiping about, and blaming on them. I also can understand it, however, it's none of my business, that I don't have any particular reason to care about them.
Nevertheless, what I really truly don't understand, is how come the videos somehow got 'spread out' through internet. Especially since it's not only one video, but some videos (well, I don't personally know if it's some, I just heard the rumor). I think the videos were supposed to be their private property that nobody could access it. Moreover, it became the Top Trending Topic on Twitter. For me it's more like "Oh My Gosh"!!! (though I honestly also tweeted some about it). Well, in short, it seems like they did it (let the videos accessible in internet) deliberately. I don't mean it, I just say: it seems.
(okay, enough about the gossip).
...............................................
well, since this post apparently is already too long, I will continue some I want to post later in the next one. I also think that this blog needs some picture to be posted.
Okay it's enough for me today to write plenty of things.
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