Since I have declared to start all over again about my blog, I guess now it's just all right for me to write everything I want and I feel like to write. Please don't underestimate that I will write things in wild way carelessly. No, it's so not that way. It's just now I can at least use this blog like 'a place where I can share all my feelings and thoughts'.
One of my friends told me that it's just fine not to care what others may think about us so we can be ourselves, the way who we really are. Though, him and I admitted that still it's just too easy to speak it than we experience it and feel it ourselves. Nevertheless, we (or maybe I'm the only) think it's so much better to give it a try. Beside, I also don't think that there will be anybody who will read my blog. (Hahaha).
Okay, now I forget what I wanted to write. (Oh man!!)..
Hmm, let me think first..
Okay, I have no idea. Then I will write anything.
I don't know how to say it, but it seems that I feel sad lately, or maybe feel complicated (no, it's not complicated relationship status in Facebook). It feels somehow I feel something complicated about so many things. I can't even tell what they are. Somehow these many things affect my emotions and my mind. They cause me not able to sleep lately (yes, it's insomnia). I don't know whether it's just about teenager's problem or else. Though I must admit it that some of my thoughts are just about silly teens' life, but it feels more complex.
Actually in my last year as Junior High School student, I think I also experienced the same problem as now. However, it feels different. Probably it's because now I am much older than before and more problems come to mess myself, so it becomes more complex and much more difficult. Honestly I really hate this way, but when there's no any kind of feelings I have, I feel empty. I don't know which one is better, but really I hate both.
Well, to make it simpler, let's say that I'm only a teenager so it's natural for me to be like this, and let's assume there are only two main problems as a teenager who will just end (or maybe has just ended) his last year as high school student:
1. I'm sick of ending my high school time (more about friendship actually).
2. I'm sick about love life as teenager.
Really, I cannot avoid those two problems from my life and my thought now. It's just natural as a teenager, right?
At time I write this, you can see that I'm still in insomnia mode. I can't have my sleep time well. As I write this, I'm also listening to a song. It is A THOUSAND MILES. We know that this song is actually sung by Vanessa Carlton. But now I'm not playing the song sung by her. It's David Archuleta's version that now I'm playing the music in my Windows Media Player.
Of course everyone can understand what kind of feeling that someone has when they listen to this kind of songs (well, only if you know the lyrics). I don't know what to say, but yes it's true. I feel very regret of many things in past that I did. More I think of it, more I say to myself that I'm such an idiot. How could I be so that stupid? I was supposed to understand very much that I would never have my second chance, but why was I very stupid? Couldn't I a bit realize my own situation? I had been dreaming so much about philosophy stuffs, but I couldn't make myself to do right things. Even now I don't think I have changed. I'm still as stupid as I used to be. This fact is so annoying me.
Moreover, I am an introverted person. I can't easily talk to a friend about my private problems that actually everyone can see me when something's wrong with me. I am also kind of person that always fly in my dreams of my past. It's really difficult for me to move on and step forward. I really am very afraid of losing my comfort zone. Friendship, life, and everything that makes me feel happy, I totally do not want to lose them. However, time keeps going on. I can't stop the flow of time. After everything I struggled so hard, I would end up easily blown away by the time. I am very inferior before the time.
It's again such a relief for me to write many things here, after all. I know it's not enough and nothing's about to change, but I don't think it's useless. I can only hope for everything to be all right. I just cannot follow the words "fear not" since there are still many bad things happen around. It saddens me sometime when I see something that may be irrelevant to me, but a sorrow case for others. Though I may not know who the people are, still it feels there is something affects me emotionally. Then again, I hope everything's gonna be all right.
One of my friends told me that it's just fine not to care what others may think about us so we can be ourselves, the way who we really are. Though, him and I admitted that still it's just too easy to speak it than we experience it and feel it ourselves. Nevertheless, we (or maybe I'm the only) think it's so much better to give it a try. Beside, I also don't think that there will be anybody who will read my blog. (Hahaha).
Okay, now I forget what I wanted to write. (Oh man!!)..
Hmm, let me think first..
Okay, I have no idea. Then I will write anything.
I don't know how to say it, but it seems that I feel sad lately, or maybe feel complicated (no, it's not complicated relationship status in Facebook). It feels somehow I feel something complicated about so many things. I can't even tell what they are. Somehow these many things affect my emotions and my mind. They cause me not able to sleep lately (yes, it's insomnia). I don't know whether it's just about teenager's problem or else. Though I must admit it that some of my thoughts are just about silly teens' life, but it feels more complex.
Actually in my last year as Junior High School student, I think I also experienced the same problem as now. However, it feels different. Probably it's because now I am much older than before and more problems come to mess myself, so it becomes more complex and much more difficult. Honestly I really hate this way, but when there's no any kind of feelings I have, I feel empty. I don't know which one is better, but really I hate both.
Well, to make it simpler, let's say that I'm only a teenager so it's natural for me to be like this, and let's assume there are only two main problems as a teenager who will just end (or maybe has just ended) his last year as high school student:
1. I'm sick of ending my high school time (more about friendship actually).
2. I'm sick about love life as teenager.
Really, I cannot avoid those two problems from my life and my thought now. It's just natural as a teenager, right?
At time I write this, you can see that I'm still in insomnia mode. I can't have my sleep time well. As I write this, I'm also listening to a song. It is A THOUSAND MILES. We know that this song is actually sung by Vanessa Carlton. But now I'm not playing the song sung by her. It's David Archuleta's version that now I'm playing the music in my Windows Media Player.
Of course everyone can understand what kind of feeling that someone has when they listen to this kind of songs (well, only if you know the lyrics). I don't know what to say, but yes it's true. I feel very regret of many things in past that I did. More I think of it, more I say to myself that I'm such an idiot. How could I be so that stupid? I was supposed to understand very much that I would never have my second chance, but why was I very stupid? Couldn't I a bit realize my own situation? I had been dreaming so much about philosophy stuffs, but I couldn't make myself to do right things. Even now I don't think I have changed. I'm still as stupid as I used to be. This fact is so annoying me.
Moreover, I am an introverted person. I can't easily talk to a friend about my private problems that actually everyone can see me when something's wrong with me. I am also kind of person that always fly in my dreams of my past. It's really difficult for me to move on and step forward. I really am very afraid of losing my comfort zone. Friendship, life, and everything that makes me feel happy, I totally do not want to lose them. However, time keeps going on. I can't stop the flow of time. After everything I struggled so hard, I would end up easily blown away by the time. I am very inferior before the time.
It's again such a relief for me to write many things here, after all. I know it's not enough and nothing's about to change, but I don't think it's useless. I can only hope for everything to be all right. I just cannot follow the words "fear not" since there are still many bad things happen around. It saddens me sometime when I see something that may be irrelevant to me, but a sorrow case for others. Though I may not know who the people are, still it feels there is something affects me emotionally. Then again, I hope everything's gonna be all right.
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