#2 Random

below is what I got from http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp
it is about my character and psychological behaviour after I input my name.
I know it sounds so common, and probably hoax or suggestion, but I don't see anything wrong with trying it. I myself don't give any judgment whether this quiz machine is accurate or not.

You entered: Liswindio Apendicaesar

There are 21 letters in your name.
Those 21 letters total to 102
There are 10 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

AMSA Japanese Students' Visit to Solo

As I promised that I would post some pictures about AMSA, here they are the pictures taken when 3 Japanese girl of Medical Students came to Solo to spend their holiday on 1st March 2011. My friends and I really did enjoy the night we looked around at Solo with them, and had some conversations.

We had dinner at Pondok Jawi. They ate Indonesian Food, and you know what?? they ate without spoon or fork, but their own hands just like traditional Indonesian people always do. To be honest I was a bit ashamed of myself because I didn't use my hands as others but spoon and fork (Well, Justinus also used spoon and fork but he ate fried rice). I regularly dislike not to use spoon and fork because I'm lazy to wash my hands.

We took pictures at Pondok Jawi after dinner.

Me with Yu Son (Yu). She's chinese anyway, but her family has been living in Japan for so long (perhaps before she was born)

Me with Yapsi. To be honest, Yapsi's name is quite weird for a Japanese girl. I mean, I never heard such before (at least there's no anime character has such name).

Me with Kanako. Honestly, Kanako is very beautiful, but don't know why she looks a little bit weird in the picture. Maybe she's just not photogenic, but really she is very beautiful.

We, after dinner, looked around at Solo Baru. There were so many statues there symbolized Mahabharata story. We chatted along the way in the car. Only Yu who were quite fluent to speak English, but that's fine with Yapsi and Kanako since they could a little bit. As Indonesian people, we told Justinus the direction to get to Solo Baru by saying "Kanan, kanan. Kiri, kiri. Kanan, kiri". Somehow it sounded funny for Yu, Yapsi, and Kanako that then they repeated after us saying "Kanan-kanan. Kiri-kiri" several times and they laughed becuase of it.

They gave us original snacks from Japan which they called as "Sweets". Well, it's true that the snacks tasted very sweet, but to be honest all kinds of the snacks had the same taste, which is RED BEANS.

Red Beans are very common in Japan as the ingredients to make cake or snack because of its sweet taste. However, it seems all kinds of sweet snacks in Japan only have one taste: Red Beans.

Anyway, one kind of the snacks they gave to us has exactly the same taste as our very famous local snacks (Jogjakarta's snacks): BAKPIA. When my friends and I found it out, we felt funny and then laughed because of it.

They, in Solo stayed at Novotel Hotel (and they enjoyed the facial treatment of the hotel in the afternoon). We said goodbye after we took them to the hotel. It's really a very great night as for me. I enjoyed hanging out with my AMSA friends and our guests from Japan. Hopefully I can have another chance to do so, at least it can really refresh mind.

Exam done? or not done yet? or never done?

3 words 'EXAM' I use as title. Too many, eh? Well, if you happen to study in university, I bet the word 'EXAM' is to be definitely what you hear the most. So, my advice to High-Schoolers: Be grateful since you are still in High School and have space and time (space-time, eh?) to breathe even if just for a while, becuase you will really damn need it just a few years, or even a few months later. (JUST TRUST ME)

The BLOCK of ENDOCRINAL SYSTEM has just been done. To make it clear, it's approximately 4 weeks with full of assignments and exams with too many matters. Well, maybe some will think that the DISASTER was just over right after the last exam. However, just right 2 days after it, I already have to get myself prepared for BLOCK of HEMATOLOGY, which is said to be the most difficult in this semester. and obviously, I'll be already having exam and assignment by the first day of the BLOCK!!

CONGRATULATION! AND CELEBRATION!

CONGRATULATION! AND JUBILATION!

Apparently, this will keep happening for more than 5 years from now on. NO AIR, NO AIR..

Well, just skip talking about the details of disaster I have. Speaking of disaster, I am so sorry to know that Japan was just hit by two disasters in a row: Earthquake and Tsunami Wave. I send my condolence and wish the best for Japan.

Anyway, as I promised on my previous post, I'd like to tell about SEF stuffs.

Right now I'm trying to make people in Debating Class really enjoy debate, but not take it for granted. I mean, They really have to be so serious in improving themselves in debate. I don't mean to be cocky nor arrogant, but I think their skills right now is not enough to be called as good debater. Well, they can't even put any urgency in 'issue' and 'background'. They're still so much lacking of elaboration, The worst, they're also still lacking of structure and packaging so much. As for me, it's really troublesome.

When I say 'they' above, I refer to those newbies and to those who are not newbies but they act as if they were much more superior than those newbies. As for me, the newbies are forgivable, but not with the non-newbies. These non-newbies, I think, they should have improved a lot since they are varsity students and it's been more than one year for them knowing debate.

I, once again, don't mean that I'm much better than them. I just think that they haven't been so serious since the first time. That's why I'm quite mad with this circumstances. I need to go debating to many competitions with good teammates that can cover me since I know I'm way too lacking of critical thinking and knowing matters. My skills in term of elaboration is not good either, that's why I need those who can help me to improve myself in debate just like when I was in High School.

However, we still have more than one month before the Debate Competition in English Fiesta held by UMM (Universitas Muhammadiyah Malang). I somehow feel so optimistic that they can improve a lot before D-day.

Actually it's just minor reason what makes me so worry about SEF. The hardest part is about 'BUREAUCRACY' problem that we have to deal with. Our institution (Universitas Sebelas Maret, or you can abbreviate it with UNS) is so damn silly about giving permission and financial support to join competition. They demand that the invitation letter sent to us should be 'completed' with signature of at least VICE RECTOR as proof that the invitation is formal and official.
I mean, WTH?!!

Dear Officers of UNS institution,
I would like you all to know that for other big universties, and please notice BIGGER than UNS, the Officers there have stuffs to do much more important than just giving their signature for just an invitation letter of competition. And every single activity held by the students there certainly is supervised by the institution without a doubt. I mean, please use your logic that there will be several official speech from the Officers for the opening ceremony. And of course the committees of the event has to take care of permission to use the place and rooms. I just totally don't get how your tiny mindset works upon this case, UNS Officers.

We can simply understand that the reason why Debate is not quite developed in UNS, is because at the very first place it's not supported by the institution itself as well as it's needed. No wonder other good institutions are very popular internationally through Debate, since they seriously have a good system on how to manage it.

The recent case for this problem is the Debate competition in 15th ALSA UI E-Comp. My friends and I can't just join because of this bureaucracy problem. Truthfully, I really want to join there because I know that ALSA E-Comp is one of the most prestigious Debate competition in Indonesia, and the participants there are very strong. I just think that we can learn much from the competition if we can join. Sadly, it seems that my institution really doesn't care enough about how important Debate is in National and International's view. So unlucky me!

The first time knowing that I couldn't join ALSA, I was so upset. I couldn't even concentrate my mind to study for Pathologic Anatomy exam (and it then resulted in a big failure). It really turned me mad. Honestly, 'till now I still really wish I could join Debate competition in ALSA UI E-Comp.

Well then, despite my regret for not being able to join Debate competition in ALSA UI E-Comp, I have focus in improving the skills of the Debating Class members in SEF UNS. We, after all, still have Debate competition in English Fiesta held by UMM. We still have to do our best and give all of our efforts in the competition. Besides, English Fiesta is also quite popular and many other strong teams are also going to participate there. So I gotta be so careful.

Power Points and Slides

As you read the title above, I'm now in the middle of the week of exams and my week is very full of the presentations formatted in ppt (Power Point) and each ppt consists about 100 slides (averagely). Additionally the total amount of presentations I have to read and of course, MEMORIZE, is more than 25 files. Well, I don't care about others whether they say it's very common for medical students, but as for me:

IT'S KILLING ME

DIE

SO DEAD

!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really drives me crazy and mad that I have to study too much this way. However, if you know me very well, I'm kind of person that actually will simply neglect my troubles (in this case: exams) so that I won't study almost at all. I don't want to care about the exams but I will still try to make some 'miracles' so that the result (marks thingy) I'll have won't be that bad (sometimes good). Sounds inconsistent, eh? Okay, all I want to say is that I may not care about the exams and the matters I have to master, but I do still care about the result I'll have then. And once more, it's not such a good personality I have. Whatsoever.

Skip it!! I actually would like to tell about other stories which is irrelevant to the title above (like I care). There are AMSA (Asian Medical Students Association) thingy, SEF (Student English Forum) stuffs, and others. As for me, a couple of days lately were so wonderful, joyful, sad, and inspirative (many mixed contradictive feelings, though).

Let's start from AMSA (I know it's gonna be a very long post)

Am so glad the "Welcoming Party" in Waroeng Jadoel (Friday, March 4th 2011) worked very well. Not so many participants, but it can be called a success, though. I was the MC there, anyway (hohoho). At the first time, I thought those who came wouldn't be very either respectful or enthusiast. But, in fact, the opposites of my pessimism was what actually happened. I think I even successfully maintained for that the participants paid attention to some crucial things of AMSA itself. The best of all is that I finally could assure them (through some methods including testimony from AMSA's seniors and FAQ) that AMSA was all about having fun, precious experience, and making a friendship and big family.

Anyway, I wasn't the only MC there. My friend, Shinta, also was the MC along with me.

Additionally, I also succeeded to persuade and encourage my friend to want to be the next representative of AMSA UNS. Anyway, Representative is like the chair person of each Local AMSA. She at last wanted to be for some reasons that I don't care (hahaha). All I know is that, she is ambitious person, she has perfectionist personality, she is smart and diligent, she has courage to lead people. That's why at the very first place I think she is one of good candidates to be the next Representative. Not to mention, but other friends and she joined AMSA because I also succeeded to convince them to do so. Once again, I used my ability called "PSYCHO-ANALYSIS" to convince them to join AMSA and to convince her to promote herself to be the next Representative.

For some reasons, I think my 'that ability' is quite unfair because people won't realize and recognize when I 'play' with their mind and personality. But I think it's the most effective way to achieve our goals, well, as long as they are not bad goals.

Furthermore, on Tuesday (March 1st 2011) my friends and I (4 people of AMSA members) accompanied 3 girls medical students from Japan (they're also AMSA members in Japan). Honestly, they are so kawaii (cute) hahaha (no wonder, they're Japanese anyway). They visited Indonesia to have a little tour for their holiday in order to wait for announcement of their national medical examination in Japan (the examination is to have license to be a doctor). Yes, they are older than me, maybe about 5 years older. We had dinner at Pondok Jawi and then took some pictures in Solo Baru. Nothing much but it was a lot of fun. We had some conversations and guess what, they said that only OTAKU who watched anime and knew about anime songs. I was kinda surprised. However, they were also surprised that I could tell some Japanese words and sentences like "UNAGI", "Chotto Matte Kudasai", "Mata Ne", and many others (which in Indonesia it's very common actually among anime/manga/tokusatsu/J-song lovers). They said they didn't watch anime, they didn't know some popular songs of anime's soundtrack, and they said that my friend and I were OTAKU. Finally we said goodbye as we took them to the hotel because it was already late night.

Okay I'll mention some names about AMSA thingy I've told above.
My friend who wants to be the next Representative is Avamira Rosita (Mira).
Our current Representative is Maytia Pratiwisitha (Tita).
The four others who accompanied the AMSA students from Japan were Justinus Kurniabudhi Novarianto (Justinus), Shinta Andi Sarasati (Shinta), the current Representative, and the Representative from 2005, Sri Mulyani (Yani).
The three Japanese medical student girls are Yu Son (Yu) Yaspi, and Kanako. (Apparently only Yu who has facebook account).

Anyway, Justinus also wants to be the next Representative, and as for me he is also worth it. That's why I've been quite confused since the Welcoming Party about who I'll give my support and help to design work programs. Moreover, both Mira and Justinus are my best friends here. I just can't be decisive in this case.

That's all from AMSA thingy. Maybe later I'll post some photos about the story of AMSA above.

Next is about SEF stuffs, but I'm way too lazy to continue. Maybe later I'll tell it in another post, but just not now. I still have to study, however. At last this post is not gonna be as long as I imagined and thought before (but I know it's pretty long).

Once again, I know that most part of this post is not relevant with the title. Sorry if this bothers you, but lately I'm quite sloppy because of the exam and SEF stuffs (which I will tell you later in my next post about this SEF stuffs).

Anyway, since when have I become so repetitive this way? #random

one prayer for all

Sabbe Satha Bhavantu Sukithata.

Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

Memories

Memories--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Memories, for you to keep
Because time won’t repeat itself
As life goes on, people move on
Nothing will remain the same
All things we have fade away
Because we change and won’t remain the same

So that,
Memories, for you to keep
To remind you to what you used to be
To remind you to what you used to have
Because time won’t repeat itself
Because things change as time goes by
Because we change as time goes by

But there, we have memories
For us to keep, for you to keep, and for me to keep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This poetry is my farewell gift to the best friend ever of mine, Stevano, that I gave him on December 2010. I suddenly felt back then that I had to give him something that I was good at. Then I decided to making 'words'. To be honest, I was very sad to know that he had to depart to USA for his study because I thought that I wouldn't be able to meet him anymore for so long.

I happened to understand that we all had changed a lot when I was making this poetry. We weren't the same guys anymore as when we had met for the fist time in Middle School. However, I understood that the change itself was inevitable, none could stop it.

Lately I feel reminded to my former self when I was in kindergarten and elementary school. I used to believe in so many imagination and I always felt so excited back then for any imagination and hope for the future. My heart was always fulfilled with so many big feelings about adventure. I just couldn't hold it in anyway, and always created many stories for myself as if I had been in anime.

It's been so long since last time I felt it and I can't remember when it last time happened. I actually have been reminded lately because I've just watched some Digimon World movies. I somehow, right while I was watching, suddenly remembered about the feeling I had have when I was a very little child. 'Till now I still feel brought to the time of my childhood and somehow I can remember the feeling clearly. Ironically, I, however, don't feel it. It sounds funny isn't it? I remember the feeling I used to have, but I can't feel it. I've just realized that it's been quite long time for me to be 'grown up'.

Death & Matrix (illusion) World

Have you ever felt that you are about to die? that your 'time' is about to come? And this feeling keeps increasing day by day. This is exactly what I've been feeling for more than a month. I know it sounds weird, freak, and scary. But I can't escape from this 'bad' feeling.

Anyway, there is something worse than feeling I'm about to die in the near future. Well, to be honest, it's quite hard for me to explain. You know I have kind of belief in Buddhism's way. And it makes me believe that this life is just an illusion, not real. Though, I've already had this belief long before I knew about Buddhism's teaching. Yes, it's because I'm such a thoughtful person, too philosophical. And at the time I read about Buddhism, I feel that it's kinda having similarity with my 'philosphical way'. Nevertheless, it's also because I'm kind of person that really believes in Science, I do really believe in logic and explanation. And fortunately the New Age Science gives so much attention in this 'thought', and somehow once again, I've found that this really has similarity with my 'thoughtful way', that's way I've happened to believe in my 'philosophy and theory' even more.

In short, Those things make me believe that this life is real, it doesn't even have any difference with dreams. And I happen to believe nothing's real. everything is just an illusion, just no more than a lie. I no more believe in this life, in people, in anything and even in my existence. I feel that there is an consciousness above us that much more superior than ours now. We have our real consciousness, which is the consciousness of our current life is just a fake.

Now I don't feel that I'm alive anymore. I feel that everything is just dreams, not real just like the dreams we always have. I don't believe in anything anymore. Even scientifically, neurologically and psychologically, beteween dreams and our past have no dfference when we are trying to recall them in our memory. And I know it's true, I even also feel that way. This makes me think that all things happened in past were just fake, as the same as fake memories implanted in our mind.

This exactly makes me feel that I'm not alive, makes me live my life unlively. Everything's just flat. No motivation, no passionate. Because everything is just illusion, not real. That's natural for me to want nothing when I think that nothing is real. I mean, when nothing's real, why do I have to wanna something? Even when I have it, it's not real but fake. Then it has no difference for me either way. I don't believe in anything.

I now understand clearly what REEPICHEEP, a swashbuckling mouse, one of the characters in THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER) said.

"WE HAVE NOTHING IF WE DON'T BELIEVE"

Yes, I feel that I have nothing right now. I don't even believe if I'm alive or real. Maybe I'm already dead before I'm really dead in the sense of poeple's paradigm.