Fairy Tales

I still haven't been admitted in any university. It really seems hopeless for me. Anyway, I come to think of the SNMPTN examination days (it's 2 days). There are some bad incidents and some good events I experienced at the days.

I didn't carry one of the requirements for the verification at the time. It was SKHUN. Actually I forgot and didn't remember at all about it until the night before the test. My friend actually asked me via SMS about it that he reminded me at the night. However, pity me, it's already very too late. It's so impossible for me to tell my parents to be back to Jakarta just for that silly SKHUN. They surely would get so much mad to me if I did tell them.

Awfully, I also didn't manage well on the examination when people said that the questions were not difficult. See? I guess I totally failed on SNMPTN. I messed up my last chance. I really feel bad. I no more know what else I can hope otherwise miracle from God. I can't even rely on my own self.

On those two days, right after the examination I went to my alma mater, Regina Pacis Bogor. I didn't manage to meet some of my old friends there, but you know what I got there? I saw some Junior High School students there and they really reminded me to the moments I used to have on my daily. I really missed that moment. I missed all feelings I used to have back then, when I really wondered what will happen to me, what mood would occur on, what events I had to face day by day. Sometimes, I was afraid to go to school because I really didn't know what I might have to face on the day, but when it came surprising me and giving me a lot of things, I think I enjoyed it. I missed how I got along with many people back then.

Now I don't know what future may come before me. I feel that I need something that I can always hold for sure so I don't need to feel that I lose my things. I want to soon have a happy ending story in my life. It's so ironic, right, since I'm still very young. I know I can't have all moments in my past return to me and once it pass by seconds, it truly fades away.

If by any chance I can be so sure that I'm truly all right, or at least I can have somebody that will always assure me that I'm truly all right, I hope I think it can make me feel a bit relieved. Staying alive as someone that have parents who always scream at you or tell you all of their problems, and as someone who have big sentiment feelings about everything in past is surely hard. I wonder if things can change upon me, and I hope so.

I hope I still can believe in fairy tales, where everything is about a happy ending, and it's happily ever after. I hope all bad things I've experienced so far will be just like a fairy tale story, they all will end up happy ending ever after.

whatever

There are lot of things I'd like to tell about. As I'm watching MTV Movie Award in Global TV, I somehow can manage to access my blog from my Dad's laptop when my both parents are not around. FYI, it's really hard for me when they are around me (as now I'm at home).

Knowing the fact that I can't return to Jakarta for one month (start from 11th June to 11th July) really makes me sad and quite depressed because it means that I can't have time to hang out or to have chit-chat with my friends. I'm a bit regret that it's very late for me to realize that I have so many best friends in High School. I probably also was late to find them. Now I see that I don't any enough time to share with them together and we will soon be separated in order to reach our dream on different pathways. I'm surely miss them, totally miss them and will be missing them. I don't know whether I can have chance later that in the future we can have ourselves getting together. I just think it will be very fun to still be close to them as best friends. It will be a pleasure.

Lately I think myself that it may be good for me to be a writer. I mean I may be able to have a career as a writer. I don't know probably it can be a book writer, or just article writer in magazine, or whatever. I just think that it can be easier for my life that I don't have to force myself to study something I don't want to or to do something that at last it will only give me a lot of pressures. I must admit that it's very tiring for me to keep studying just for university. I know that I haven't yet reached my limit, but I also know that I am already fed up with all of this. I think I quite have a talent to be a writer, and I think it can be very interesting and exciting. However, everyone knows that it's just not easy to be a professional writer and I also don't know how to start it especially since I'm still very young (I'm still a teenager, after all). I still hope that there will be a way for me to be what I want right now, though. I just think I can enjoy myself and my life if I can be a writer.

I also kind of pissed off with my Dad's speech that he always ask me to study and study more. I really want to tell him that: "I'm tired already, Dad. I'm fed up with all of this. I just want to let it flow no matter what it will be for me, I will take it. I can't continue anymore."

I dream that someday I can go to Hollywood and be friends with the stars there and I think it's so enjoyable to have life like those stars. Who knows that I can follow every single fashion and lifestyle just like those stars if I can become one of them? Hahaha...It's really my dream, and just dream.

I now just want to spend my time left with my best friends as long as we still can be together, before we really will be separated. I also really love my family (my parents, my brother, and my sister). Though they often make me stressed, pissed off, and feel uncomfortable with all of their bad characteristics, they still always give me love that I am very happy with all their love. I love all of my friends and my family.

I hope I can have my life joyfully and happily. I just want to spend my time left with all peace around me.

SEX AND THE CITY 2 (The Movie)

On this Wednesday (9 June 2010) I watched SEX AND THE CITY 2 the movie in cinema. Actually I watched it because I had been persuaded by my friend that he said the prequel was a good film and it was funny. Though I haven't watched the first movie yet, but I guess it's still okay for me to watch the 2nd movie before watching its prequel since I thought the main story for each should be different.




Some people, however, said that the 1st movie is much better and funnier than the 2nd movie. I don't know whether or not it's true, but I think the 2nd movie is still a good film and quite funny.
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Moreover, I'm very jealous with the bond of friendship the main characters possessed. I can say that it's very strong and it seemed they had each other as best friends. I don't mean that I don't have any like that but I just wonder if the bond of friendship my best friends and I have can last as strong as they had and can be like as forever as it seemed in the film. It's just so beyond my knowing and unpredictable, because I know that time can change everything and am very afraid of it.


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I also like the way the film showed us how glamorous the ladies were. They're so fashionable, stylish and looking very sparkle. I love that it's looking fabulous and luxury from their dresses and lifestyle. It's just so dreamy.






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There are so many my favorite scenes in the film, espcially because they were very funny. One of funny scenes for me is when Samantha wore the same dress as Miley Cyrus wore when they were on the red carpet. For me, that part really made Samantha nervous and really it's such a humiliation one for Samantha. (hahaha). I would be very speechless if I were Samantha.




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Next one is about Abu Dhabi. It looked so awesome. I really dream to have a trip there now. However, it must be very expensive, though. *sigh*

From the movie:








Not from the movie:



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There were also some conflicts such as about love and relationship the ladies had that also became problem in their life. Jealousy, clashes between couple, honesty, and many more gave many different colors to their life. I really think that the story was very realistic and it resembled life's problems of anyone. I felt that it was a touchy story. The ladies somehow managed to fight for their life. They, no matter how big the problems were, kept being as strong as possible to face the problems. It teaches us that although problems in life always make us hurt and sad, but at last we can be stronger and better person after experiencing it. All we need is to think positive and be patient. Though the price of it is very painful at the first, but it will be developing ourselves to be a better person in living life, and it's really beautiful.

This inspiring story somehow becomes very precious for me. I want to have a forever friendship. I want to experience how much sweet and bitter love is. I want to see many beautiful things in life I haven't reached yet, but when I succeed to continue my journey after facing problem by problem. I want to be the stronger and the better me. I know it's all not easy, but I know I don't have to hesitate or runaway from them. Just be patient and think positive, so I can solve every single problem in life. I will really be looking forward to the future me. Nothing is to be afraid of. Problem is just part of life, and even it's a problem as long as we see it as problem. When we see problem as something usual and common, it's no more than just a daily activity.

Overall, it's a great and inspiring movie. It has a very big and deep meaning.

Picture: Magic

Card Captor Sakura


Clow Magic Circle


Sakura Magic Circle

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xxxHolic


Yuuko Magic Circle


Yukito Magic Circle


Syaoran Magic Circle

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Charmed


Charmed Symbol


The Book of Shadows
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Magic and Fate

As I have promised, there is something that I wanna tell more about myself. It's not about story, experience, or hobbies, but it's about one of my interests.

I am kind of person who believes that in this world there are so many things that we cannot explain. People's intelligence of today is too far away from these unexplained and they all are very beyond of what we can understand. However, some people can acknowledge it very well. Some unexplainable things actually are just as simple as an old and ancient paradigm. It's all really just about 'high level of spiritualism' and magic.

As the title of my blog: Fate, and as what can be read on the description box: Everything is Inevitability, Nothing is Coincident, I somehow believe in magical things. I do believe that some people possess power beyond what people may imagine and this power really exists among us. Just like what we watch in fiction film about magic, I am sure that it actually really exists. It's just most of people don't know about it.

First time I was impressed about magic, I think it's from anime Card Captor Sakura (CCS). I learned many things from the anime. Then I also knew more about magic from Charmed TV Series (Charmed). I then knew that by magic we could do so many incredible things, and what I understood from CCS and Charmed was that magic was used for fighting evil and it is to make people happy. However, it's really a gift with so much high responsibility.

I then imagined that if I could have some powers like in CCS and Charmed, such as Telekinesis, creating things, and controlling elements, etc. I, although knew they were just fiction stories, was so sure that those magical things were true. I believed that I could possess it too and I believed that some people also could do it. Maybe because since I was a child I could have seen some spirits and also I already could have seen some premonitions about what would happen in the future. Then because of that, I simply believed to magical things I watched in CCS and Charmed.

As time goes by, my interest became obsession. I now know more about it than I did. I now believe that it was my instinct led me to this. I now understand it very well that nothing in this world happens because of coincident. I do believe that everything is fated, it's all inevitability. There will always be a reason for something to happen. Nothing happens for vain.

Moreover, I also believe that this world is very large, very wide. It's even bigger than we thought. Well, I'm talking about dimension. There are so many different worlds and different dimensions that exist together. We just don't know and can't reach them. Although I know that my this statement will be very controversial for many people, but I'm sure one day everyone can see it. Everyone will surely understand it.

For now, my knowing about magical things and spirits is more because of xxxHolic. I learn so many things that I never understood before, but was aware of. It makes me more understand this life and it explains about things that I did not get it before such as unexplained mystical advice that we always hear from our elders. One that I also will never forget from is: Humans are not the only living-beings in this world, there are some rules between human and other-beings.

My quote about fate and inevitability are also from xxxHolic, and for me it explains enough for everything we people don't see the correlation between one and another. The more I think with my logic, the more I see that coincidental theory can't answer every single occurrence in life. That's why at the very first place I have believed in fate long before I read xxxHolic. However, xxxHolic has made it easier for me to explain it in words.

share and gossip

This time I have got a lot of stories to tell. Now I'm very confused and really don't know which I have to start from. So let's just begin from the very latest news.

ACADEMIC MATTER
Actually on this 8th June, there is an announcement of the admission of UMB examination. You know, UMB is my third examination for admission in faculty of medicine. I had my first examination in UTUL-UGM and my second in SIMAK-UI. As you see now, I failed in all of the examination.

Maybe some would wonder why I only applied for the top ranked universities in Indonesia (UI and UGM), especially since I applied for faculty of medicine. Well, so here is my clarification (it's explanation actually):

1. For whole my life, I've been dreaming to be a doctor. I really want to work as a doctor helping sick people who are suffering from any kind of disease. It somewhat becomes very impossible for me to just throw away my dream for life just because I want to pass the examination so I can continue my study in UI or UGM with whichever faculty. I don't choose the university just to study with whatever faculty, but I choose the faculty then I consider university that probably can support my future accordingly. I know it sounds a bit arrogant or whatever you say, but truly, this is me. I am who I am and yes, I'm such an idealist one.

2. Continuing study is not something that we can simply gamble with since our future is at stake there. Naturally I want to have my study to be continued in a top ranked university (in Indonesia--> please highlight this ones) because at least it can guarantee my future that I can get job easier, or at least it's what people say. Moreover, it will be a pride for me if I can continue my study (this if clause still uses condition 1 since there is SNMPTN left).

Exactly!!!
For point one, I may be right, but I'm not for point 2. Everyone of course knows that in order to assure about our future, it's not from what university we are from, but what and who we are. My paradigm and thought are surely very narrow and wrong, but I can't help it. Really I can't. Besides, I'm also still considering about my damn dignity. I think (and I'm sure) I will feel despicable if I can't continue my study in prestigious ones. So far, I have kept increasing my prestige by continuing study from considerable school, to another more considerable one. As the result, I could show off to my friends from previous school that I was good. However, now I can no more. how pitiful I am, right?

I always thought that I was such a beloved creature of God. I felt that I was the favourite one. That's why I thought I always got what I wanted. I was so sure that I was kind of human that owned a heavenly grace and blessing on his side. However, all of my vanity now is broken. I've lost.

At last, in SNMPTN I've applied for one else beside UI, it's University of Jendral Soedirman (UNSOED). Though I still have applied for faculty of medicine, I no more expect myself to be able not to fail for UI. Well, I can only apply for UNSOED beside UI for some reasons. One of my reasons is, I don't want to go outside this Java Island yet. I don't know why, but I just feel like that.

Speaking of which, it's not only me who undergo this depression of repeated failures. There are also some close friends of me that feel the same way. I, however, don't get depressed as much as them (I think) since it's been weeks or maybe a month that I've given up to the case. I even told my parents that I had already been fed up with all this. I could and can take it no more, and I still am fed up with.

Honestly, I am so tired of having to strive so much and then disappointed. That's why I've simply just given up to this. I don't think that I have to force myself to get something that it seems I can't even enjoy the process. Besides, I think I have ever experienced a time when I left every single joy and chance of happiness I had in order to get something that at last I did not enjoy. I have a lot of pain and regret upon it. So, now I decided not to force myself anymore and enjoy my present. I guess I must respect myself a bit as a human, not robot. I must stop thinking about my pride, dignity, or stuff like that. It's enough for me.


READING BLOGS
I like to read lot of things. Reading makes me feel comfortable. Usually I choose those which have meaning and worth information for me. It's sometimes more about rare things that people will never have any interest about (and people always say it heavy case or stuff). However, I don't know why that recently I more prefer those that only have easy case to read. I start it from reading my friends' blogs that they commonly use Bahasa Indonesia on their blog (though sometimes English) and the theme of what they write is always about life. They share their own story, opinion, feelings, and stuff like thoughts on their blog. It's of course very easy for me to catch up with and I totally do enjoy it.

That's why I do follow some my friends' blog so I can easily find theirs and can read anytime I want. Unfortunately, it seems one of them dislike my deeds (though I truly have no any other purpose, but reading), so he totally lock his blog that nobody can read it. Actually I don't know whether he's only banning me or everyone, and I also don't know whether he will keep it forever or maybe later, he will at least lemme access it.

I kind of pissed off with this, honestly, but I know it's his right. It's his blog, after all.


DEED OF SOME CELEBRITIES IN INDONESIA
I don't know what's wrong with these people (actually it's specified to just some celebrities), but some of them somehow love to make any scandal and sensation to the public. Okay, just to the point: Porn Video.

It started with a sex video of a lovely romantic couple stars. Then now the rumors said that the man-character not only play in one video with one woman-character, but there are sex-tape (or whatever, I don't know the name) videos of the man-character have sex with some women-characters. I can only say: WHAT??!!

I don't know whether the videos are true or not. I don't know whether it's really them or not. I haven't watched the videos yet. I also understand so much even if the videos are right, that no matter what, it's their really essential right to do whatever they want. I also see that it's just because they are celebrities so people everywhere are talking about, gossiping about, and blaming on them. I also can understand it, however, it's none of my business, that I don't have any particular reason to care about them.

Nevertheless, what I really truly don't understand, is how come the videos somehow got 'spread out' through internet. Especially since it's not only one video, but some videos (well, I don't personally know if it's some, I just heard the rumor). I think the videos were supposed to be their private property that nobody could access it. Moreover, it became the Top Trending Topic on Twitter. For me it's more like "Oh My Gosh"!!! (though I honestly also tweeted some about it). Well, in short, it seems like they did it (let the videos accessible in internet) deliberately. I don't mean it, I just say: it seems.

(okay, enough about the gossip).

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well, since this post apparently is already too long, I will continue some I want to post later in the next one. I also think that this blog needs some picture to be posted.

Okay it's enough for me today to write plenty of things.