About one month ago, many Indonesians have been surprised to find out that there was a music video titled “Lelaki Kardus” (Cardboard Man) sung by a little girl. The lyrics are totally not children-friendly. National Commission for Children Protection (KPAI) has been protesting against the distribution of the song in internet and asked Youtube for the music video to be removed.
According to an interview, the song lyrics are based on true story. They were written by the stepfather of the girl singing the song in the music video, and her mother said it was okay for her daughter to sing it because it’s based on true event. The girl, though, is now fifteen because the music video was made a couple of years ago.
The first time I read about the news, my mind thought that the mother was so bitter and probably resentful for a certain event in her life (probably exactly like in the lyrics) so that she allowed her daughter to sing such a song. Probably she wanted to teach her daughter that a man — a father and a husband to be more exactly — could be so cruel and irresponsible, so it was okay for a child to even use the word “scoundrel” calling her own daddy. Probably it’s her way to retaliate to her ex-husband or her father. Who knows?
People get so hysterical and judgmental toward such news, toward the mother. They argue that childhood is supposed to be cheerful and beautiful. They blame the mother to be so harsh on her daughter. But here’s the fact that we forget: the truth is, childhood is not always beautiful, and it can be as much disastrous as in the song.
Some of us must have read Chicken Soup when we were in elementary school or in middle school. Were the stories about children there always beautiful? Take a look at our criminal news. Are there only about violence against adults, and no children become victims? Now ask yourself, have you ever witnessed your parents quarrel both physically and verbally? Did you become terrified back then? Or are you one of those who once experienced violence against children?
Currently I’m working on a paper discussing about parenting and its effect upon adolescent depression. Most of researches present that bad parenting and disharmony within family cause the children and adolescents suffer from depression. And in the field of psychology and medical psychiatry, depression is not to be taken lightly, especially because not only it can cause one’s social function and performance declines significantly, but also trigger suicidal ideation (and it happens on children and adolescents). Unsurprisingly, the number of children and adolescents with depression is not small at all.
According to the categorization of parenting style by Baumrind (1971), the best parenting style is the authoritative parenting. Authoritative parents tend to set firm rules and make reasonable demands, and they also give rewards for the children’s achievements. They avoid any kind of corporal punishments, but explain carefully instead to make the children understand their right and obligation, and the consequences of making mistakes, so the children themselves are voluntarily motivated to perform good behavior.
Authoritarian parents are the kind of parents that demand highly from the children, sometimes unreasonably, and they tend to punish the children even with violence. Rarely do they give rewards and praises to the children. Permissive parents are divided into two kinds, indulging and negligent. The indulging parents almost never demand anything from the children, but only spoil them. Meanwhile, negligent or uninvolved parents barely notice their children’s existence.
Either authoritarian or the permissive — especially negligent — parents will result in children with emotional and mental problems. The children with authoritarian parents will lack confidence and self-esteem, and the children with negligent parents will feel loveless and they tend to withdraw themselves emotionally from their social group. Both kinds of children have a high rate of depression and this depression may persist even until later life in their adulthood.
I don’t know about you, but to me, I felt disappointed to find out that I had been deceived about many things in my childhood. For instance, adults told me I could dream of being anything I wanted to when in fact later in high school my parents forced me to choose a field of study in accordance with their will. When adults told me we could make friends with anybody from various backgrounds, they were the ones who forbade us to make friends with people from different religious background. When people say parents are children’s guardian angels, in fact they can be exactly the cause of children’s ironic twisty life.
Take a look at Disney movies nowadays. Many say Disney now sends a powerful message of feminism in their latest popular movies. Frozen, for example, teaches that there’s no prince charming, and love at the first sight is delusional but can only be found after a journey together. Inside Out, it teaches the children that life not only consists of joy, but also sadness, anger, fear, and disgust (and be prepared for the upcoming puberty turning your life upside down).
No more unrealistic dreamy kiss by a prince waking a girl from her eternal sleep, the princess’ father is the villain, and guys can indeed be scoundrel. Stop being a weak girl wishing to be an unreal princess because life really can suck. Bittersweet of life packaged for children.
Judge all we want, but probably the girl singing the song Lelaki Kardus truly experienced the story in the lyrics. Probably one of many children out there who listen to the song finds it relatable and feels connected. Leigh Hunt, an English poet, once said music is the medicine of the breaking heart. And just like in Glee series, when you are stuck dealing with a problem, sing it and then you’ll see your way.
I think it is the time for us the adults to get real and be honest both to ourselves and our children. We must admit to and tell them that life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re going to get. It can be sweet but can also be so dark and bitter. We are the ones responsible for shaping the world for them, giving them the best hope and preparing them for the worst possible outcome. And the ugliest truth is, the adults can be the ones who carve the pain on the children, who make them taste the bitterness of life despite our belief that it should be sweet and cheerful for them. So we need to prepare ourselves for someday to apologize to the children. Stop blaming but introspecting instead.
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