The Religious Faith I (Privately) Choose

Having been raised in Indonesia, especially as a son whose parents are believers of one of Abrahamic religions, it's very common to find me having my identity card showing that I am also a believer of one particular religion, the majority one to be precise. Logically as in majority's paradigm, I will necessarily be involved in some, if not all, areas of religious practice according to which religious community I (should) belong to. To certain extents, they say it's automatically my obligation, my natural calling to follow the belief my parents have inherited to me.

I've been taught that I don't have space to criticize and to propose my own opinion upon the religious option, not to mention it's not an option at all people say. I would be labeled as infidel (re: Kafir in Islam, or possibly Lost Lamb in Christian) should I betray the social track. There was once I thought it would have been great if I had been born as a western due to the freedom of choice, but soon I realized East or West they're just the same: Religion is always fundamental for everyone, it's absolute and must not be questioned.

As much as foundational it is, people around from various faiths will be joyful if someone appears and signs up to become one of them; they seem competing each other to gain members and to have control over the world order, and don't forget how they advertise through assorted (either creative, violent, or even annoying) ways so that this purpose can be accomplished. This also means, they won't sincerely allow their fellow believers to convert to any different beliefs.

However to some people, frankly speaking, being inquisitive is inevitable. Even as a small child I always wondered against the religion I was raised as. I did beg to differ to many teachings I was given, and although I was not allowed to voice this out in public spaces, at least it echoed in my head and nobody could obstruct it, neither God seemed to try to.

Furthermore, I went to Catholic Junior and High School. Consequently, I had wide horizons of the Semitic religions, especially because I also read Bible thoroughly. The more I gave thoughts and attention towards those religions coming from the middle east (because the Semitic religions were back then the only accessible for me), the more I had doubts within myself. The more I attempted to defend the religion my parents opted for me, the more I could not find affirmative argument. Once again, this is personal opinion.

As a child, I always believed that despite the religious faith, everyone could enter heaven as long as they're good people, even if they're non-believers at all. I even believed that all animals, all ghosts and demons should be forgiven for their beastly vicious behaviors and so could they become the citizens of heaven either. I believed that if God was truly powerful and benevolent, He would flip the evil into good without even trying. And so prayed I for such utopia to be bestowed, albeit it's conflicting the teaching.

If it wasn't so, what about my friends, family members (whose faith is different), and those cute dogs outside there which I knew they were nice beings? Would I not later feel sad seeing them in hell while I was enjoying the heavenly nectar? Would I be jubilant seeing other creatures in pain?

I always believe that title of religion is not supposed to be what matters to determine whether someone is good, whether someone is favored by heaven, and whether someone is on the right track. I also believe that we should respect other kinds of living as well, such as animals and even ghosts. To keep saying animals are merely for people to exploit for the sake of our need (or rather desire), and to keep blaming on the demons for the evildoing we perform, to me it sounds like we have gone beyond selfishness and denial.

I believe the concept of eternity in heaven, where all of our worldly desire could be granted, is against the sanctity of the life purpose. What kind of purpose is it that only seeks for indulgences but detachment towards the earthly tether? Nonetheless, I don't believe in the incentive of avoiding inferno by having less sins in accordance with the holy books.

To me, I seek for sacredness, which I can be liberated from all perishable attachments and attain enlightenment. I perform good deeds not merely to be accepted in heaven, but because it's propriety and the right thing to do. I help others by even sacrificing myself not because of expecting compensation, but for the sake of all beings. I try my best to prevent myself from committing sins not because of the fear of flames in hell, but because I consciously see how it will hurt others and I only end up regretting it.

When people say that God only favors humankind the most amongst His creatures, thus other beings are merely for us to use, I see such dogma as vanity. If behavior is supposed to be the parameter of status, most humans will be ranked low I bet. Even lions don't betray their family members, and they won't steal food from different groups. Even Ghosts and Demons don't hazard the environment but they live there peacefully instead, and we humans are the ones who disturb and harm them most of time.

So people ask me, "what is your religion?"

I tell them that no matter what religion I wish to be carved as my identity, it is never important at all in the end. I don't wish to be identified as Muslim, as Christian, as a Jew, as Hinduist, as Buddhist, as Atheist, or whatsoever. I only expect myself can someday be known as a good person. As Dalai Lama said "Kindness is my religion", that's what I'm trying to reach, trying to deserve having "Kindness" as my way of life. And this kindness I refer, is not for the ticket to the Promised Paradise, but for the virtue and righteousness.

Kindness doesn't have particular religious building, but must be exercised everywhere. It doesn't have 5 times prayer per day or Sunday Service but must be actualised in every second of heartbeat. Kindness is universal, even animals have it, even the spirits perform it. It has no boundaries of discrimination.

You may find me kneel or even prostrate to people or even to statues, but I do it not because I worship them or ask for reward, but because I learn to let go of my ego by lowering myself, or because those people and statues are worth the respect for the virtue they've embodied. By understanding how insignificant my existence before the gargantuan Universe, kissing the dirt should not offend me at all. I factually am just a dirt for this Universe.

This is the religion I (privately) decide for myself since I was a child, maybe even since I was in kindergarten. This isn't aimed to offend other beliefs or believers, but this is my personal view of life. The whole world may call me a blasphemer, but they can't possess my conscience, not to mention it doesn't even belong to me to begin with but the Universe.

So people ask me, "what is your religion?"
I reply, "does it matter for you?"

If I ask you, "Are you kind?", what would you reply?