F life

Fall in love again. Friendship again. Things are way way way so sloppy. I'm in college now but things seem like in High school, or perhaps Middle School. SO TEENAGERS!!!!
It started with others who shared their story (read: love life story) to me, then I felt so drowned into the story, and then the same mistake happened. The emphaty starts to be realized in my life. Probably I can blame on the law of attraction.

Well, as because I know this feeling is so wrong, I then always pray to God for getting me rid of this nuance. This is such a bad situation for me. I hope for it to happen, but I pray I can get rid of this. What an inconsistent life, right?

I don't know what else I have to do. I think I'm just stuck with a repetitive circumstances. This should stop. But how? I'm clueless.

I met someone. Let's say the name of this someone is A. I don't know what's made me to feel so missing A every second. We send messages (sms) almost everyday and most of the messages are not important, honestly. However, it makes me feel happy.
I can't imagine what A will think about me if A oneday finds out about what I feel towards, and once again I say, it's because this love is wrong.

Actually I think I'm supposed not to write this on my blog, because it will be so dangerous for me if someone read this. But, I can't just keep silent and pretend that nothing is wrong, can I? This burden has already made me stressed. It's way too heavy. So writing is the best thing I can do to make me a bit relaxed.

I just got a message from A some moments ago. A said that in the pray, A always ask God to take care of me. Maybe it's actually purposed as just a motivation for me, but still it makes me hoping.

Time to time, this just gets worse. God, I really don't know what I have to pray and ask to You about this anymore. I'm totally confused. I'm beggin on You, please give me an answer. I feel so lost. or maybe if I'm on the right track, this track is one I disklike.

on the next few days, I will have exam, exams actually (more than one). But this has made me gone mad. I can't focus or concentrate to study. This really turns me crazy.

FYI, this is the third sun in my life. I don't even understand why I always end up havin a crush with the sun. Maybe because I'm too lunar, huh?

For some readers, I'm sure this is too abstract for you to understand. But that's good if you don't get it. and just don't get it. don't.

Well, to be more specific, what exactly makes me now really mad, is because few days ago A made me realized that I'm not the special one for A. A has someone else which A dearly loves. At that time, I felt so down. And now I'm still feeling so down. The worst of this is that I suddenly feel like indulging myself with food nonstop. I keep feeling to eat again and again. Maybe it's because I'm so sad for what happened to me, but usually at this rate I won't wanna have anything to eat. This is so weird now. I feel like I'm a different person, I'm not myself. (maybe I'm way too exaggerative about this, but it's what I'm thinking and feeling. if you are troubled with this, just close the window).

Maybe I need to imitate the main character in Eat Pray Love. I'm stressed feel broken heart, so I gotta go somewhere I can keep indulging myself with food over and over again, then I can go praying in India (having a peaceful and calm circumstances there to meditate and pray). The last maybe I can find a way for my love life. That would be the best solution for everything for me.

Well, speaking of which, I don't believe in happy ending. Life never has its ending, right? Life goes on. We don't know where and when it's already tired to continue its journey. So I really don't hope for a happy ending about this. I just wish this could reach the best plot and scenario. However, as I also don't know about my script, and as I just play it spontaneously with my instinct, am I allowed to wish for the best? can I?

F u life. F u rules. F u right and wrong. F u love. F u F u F u F u.... I feel so messy, I feel so stressed, I feel so damn.