The Pain We Hold Onto

There was this Indonesian movie that depicts the lives of a bunch of people, screwed lives. They all are best friends, and each of them has different twisted stories of personal lives. One of is gay, another is a wife cheated by her husband and hence she cheats on her husband (they get divorced eventually), another is a woman left by her husband because they can't have any offspring due to her infertility. As the story of the movie goes on, two new friends appear, completed with two new screwed lives.

So yesterday a friend of mine tweeted that a couple of years ago when he watched the movie, when he was around 15, he felt somewhat disgusted seeing a woman in a midlife cheated on husband and couldn't stay faithful, but now as he has re-watched it again, he's realized that life is just that much complicated, not as simple as child's life.

#2 Unrequited Love

"How timid and delicate unrequited love is? Even though unrequited love finds its own way in, it's a love that gets trapped inside, unable to find an exit. Even though I'm the one who started it, without knowing a thing if (s)he leaves my sight one day, it's a love that ends vain without it ever having a purpose. Never ever even having had the chance to bud or bloom any flowers, a love that can never bear a fruit like a seed left forgotten. That is, unrequited love."

―Go Dok Mi, Flower Boys Next Door

Food and Hang Out Place

Aglio Olio Spaghetti in Popsteak & Pasta

"It's hard to be a hero with an empty stomach." ―Sanosuke Sagara (Rurouni Kenshin). 

It has been three years for me to live in Surakarta as I have to finish up my college study. My only first impressions of this city were two: one is humid with hot weather (and rarely rain poured), two is this city lacked of urban life. That's not all, because the aggravation of those was I stayed in environment of study-holic.

They were the reasons why it wasn't easy for me to adjust myself being a Surakartan. I'm originally from Bogor and right before I came to this city, I had just finished 3 years of high school in Jakarta. Either the weather or the culture of Bogor and Jakarta are pretty much similar. It's easy to adapt from one to another. Moreover, I loved to hang out in Mall when I used to be a citizen of those two cities. That's only until I arrived in Surakarta that I couldn't live my urban lifestyle anymore.

Surakarta, or famed as Solo (its traditional name) is located in Central Java. This makes the language used in daily amongst the citizens is Javanese. Well, my father's family is Javanese, so it only took some months for me to settle my ears. But my way of living had never been Javanese because of my original address and the way I'd been raised before my living in Solo. The only escapism I could take were being alone, surfing the internet, and going to mall.

Another Dream and The Power of Wish

When I first time entered AMSA about 2.5 years ago, all I expected was to participate in its enjoyable & cool events and to expand my networking of fellow medical students in Indonesia. I thought it would be splendid to travel around attending some events or meetings then got to know many new people and be friends with them. However, as I went on walking my journey, I realized that AMSA was bigger than that; it offered not only fun and excitement, but a whole new horizon and experience.

AMSA has 3 philosophies as its base of activities: Knowledge, Action, Friendship. It provides many kinds of activities as the space for its members to develop in accordance with the authenticity of each person. Peer tutorials, lectures in every event (either national or international), social services, charity, leadership training, organizational experiences, and many more of ways to develop oneself according to the philosophies I've undergone. They all have enriched me as a person in terms of academic knowledge, compassion and conscience as a future medical doctor, and also personality as I've shared good & bad moments with many other members that I consider them as friends.

Sacrificial Day: Dogma v.s. Individual Principles

Is a Muslim automatically a sinner (or even an infidel) if he/she doesn't believe in sacrificial day? That he/she believes the day is only about animals slaughtering, charity for people who're not even in urgent need of meat, and is merely about a tradition without rational reasoning.

I remember when I was a child, once a year my parents told me to see and attend the moment when the animals were to be slaughtered, to be killed as the celebration of Abraham's story. Not enough with the bloody event, I should further see when the dead cows and goats were to be skinned. Sometimes my dad assigned me to get some of the meat for home.

Aside than those, I still vividly remember one of those days when there was a goat which roared deeply and it sounded sadly for me as a small kid when it was herded to the place and got prepared for the slaughtering. When the people started to chant prayers, the voice of the goat sounded deeper and sadder. I then shouted to them "Poor goat. It cries.", and then my little brother said he saw tears falling from one of the goat's eyes. Seeing the slaughtering happened, the other goat not far from where we stood, started to get anxious, but then it stopped moving as if it had surrendered helplessly. As the same fate came upon this other goat, the same deep sad roar came out.

Wherever Those Dreams May Lead: Passion

Lately I've been reading a lot of articles. Articles about passion, articles about moving on and letting go, articles about being true to oneself, and of course some articles about life enlightenment. This all happened exactly at the same time of when I realized that I had lost myself.

No, it's not that I was wandering around in the middle of forest while reading them and then I couldn't return to my place. I'm not that reckless (or perhaps am I?).

I still remember when in High School the institution taught its all students about Igantian Spirits, which one of is Magis, getting better and better as a person through daily reflection made into a journal. I didn't understand how I would be a better person by per se, in fact, all students and I tried our best to ditch the obligation.

But now I do. And I also have to laugh at and give a bit of cynical smile to that teenager from few years ago that underestimated the valuable teaching from his notable beloved Canisius College High School.