#14 no title

It's 2017 and unsurprisingly the quotes (from Grey's Anatomy) still relatable

I don't get it when I see people glorify love and romance and especially when they say they are happy in love, especially then. I don't get it when people say they believe in love and they will work hard to find it, when they do whatever in their might searching for someone they want so much to rely on, to spend life until death sets them apart. I don't get it why people can just be okay with when they're in love, when they let themselves absorbed wholly by the whirlpool of the emotional turbulence because of love.

I don't understand why it becomes the societal norm, why it is globally agreed as normal and seemingly nobody feels bothered by it. I don't understand why every new generation conforms to the habitude when they are ruled by the desperation of romance, by the helpless need of love. Why is it that everyone simply gives themselves in to the notion of love? Why isn't there anyone who sues or objects to such tradition that has been lasting for so many millenniums? Why on earth did love become part of our civilization? Why on earth did love emerge as one of our evolutionary behaviors? If it's just for the sake of species reproduction, lust can be really enough.

When people talk about love, aren't they scared to death? Don't they feel insecure and helpless? Don't they feel like they lose their firm stand, lose their individual freedom, hence feel powerless? Why is everyone okay with it? Why do people let such kind of a thing make them so small and weak?

Imagine you're addicted to a strong drug and you need to consume it everyday to make you alive, to make you feel compact and whole, and suddenly the drug is no longer available, you're out of it, how do you think you will be? You will feel an itch that you cannot scratch, an itch that comes from the inside and you don't know where it's actually located, an itch that will make you in pain, an itch that slowly turns into a sensation of a needle prick that invisibly and without bloodshed wounds you from time to time. Your entire system will fail and decline, your ability to put up with social obligation will suddenly stop because you no more have the fuel to feel alive. All you can do is to yearn for that drug, is to beg for it because it's equivalent to beg for your life. You probably will be thrashing because somehow it's like losing oxygen to breathe, or like losing your body fluid and it drains out your life. You'll be in extreme anxiety due to the endless withdrawal effect. Even worse, you never actually feel enough with the drug. When you have it you will want more of it and you will increase the dosage more and more, you let the drug control your entire being, becoming your core of universe.

How can it be right when your heart palpitates more than it normally functions? How can it be normal when your pupils dilate too much that it lets too much light burning your retina? How can it be fine when the utmost portion of your thought is confiscated to process thinking only about one thing and only person? Clearly they are pathologies and yet you embrace it, you don't fight back to cure it. How can it be not a stupid life choice despite knowing that pathologies kill?

It's like a supermassive black hole that keeps dragging you closer and eventually you are trapped within the event horizon and cannot get out because the gravity pulls you strongly and not even speed of light can escape. Your only choice is to keep going further, keep getting into the infinite singularity and turn yourself into part of the black hole, and just like that you've already lost who you are because now all what's left is only the black hole, that's all what you are now about.

Love enslaves us, it manipulates our hormonal system and our neurotransmitter to betray us, and yet we approve it, we believe it as life's grace. We run toward it, we chase after it, we cling to it, albeit love can always choose to abruptly leave us whenever it feels like without asking our opinion. I just don't get it. I don't understand why when love is vividly dangerous, when it's going to make us vulnerable, when it's going to make the sun and moon and stars don't seem to shine and relevant anymore to our world, people wish for it anyway.

Because I don't. I don't ask for it. I don't want it. I just want to be independently happy and I know love is going to make it fall apart, going to steal my joy of life, turn my life upside down, make me so unstable, make me feel like an incomplete puzzle because one of my pieces has been taken away and I will feel so ugly and poor and terrible, and I know for sure that I can't live like that. So please, please return that piece to me, please let me be strong on my own again like I used to be.