So I ask, what's the point?
What's the point of being in love with someone, or having dearest friends, if in the end everybody will change, if things won't stay the same, if they eventually will leave you all alone and just like that you will find yourself brokenhearted?
What's the point of feeling the love, being connected to people, developing care about others, if you know you'll just end up no more seeing them in your life, and then you'll be crushed because it's as if part of you were missing, as if your utmost core were stolen, because there will be nobody you can harbor those feelings to feel relieved, there will be no one there for you eventually?
What's the point of yearning for people's presence, or of missing your significant other, if you can't meet them at all, if they won't exist in your daily life, if all there is for you is just the fading memory?
Maybe I don't want to be with anybody, I don't want to get close to anyone, I don't want to have any relationship with people at all, because happiness doesn't last, happiness is a fake, happiness is delusional. Once it's gone, you are stranded in the land of loneliness with full of wounds without sureness of survival. Grasping happiness is a suicide.
On the other hand, being cold can sustain, as long as the door is locked, as long as the heart is isolated and all windows are shut, you can stay frozen and won't feel anything, won't feel pain. You won't have to suffer because you will not lose anything or anyone at all.
That's why I choose to disappear, I choose to be lonesome, I choose to be unconnected to anyone's hearts. I unplug and cut the scarlet thread because it's easier, because it's the only way I can stay firm on my own and be invulnerable.
That's why, that's what actually happens. I don't want to bear the same kind of pain, don't want to be reminded to the nostalgic trauma because I don't think I can survive it again, because it hurts tremendously and nobody wants it, neither do I.
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