I Bid Thee Adieu, Grandmother

“Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.”
― Walt Disney Company

As I've been living my life for 21 years, I can't help but to find changes when I compare my childhood to my current phase of life. By 'changes' I refer to those things used to exist but now no longer do. Things that have been with me since I was born or since I was little, but now have left me. Although many new things came as time went by, but can they replace what I lost? Would they feel the same? Can they cure the pain of great loss I suffer?

I hate it when people tell me to let go. I hate it when people tell me to move on. I hate it when people tell me to stay strong. I hate it when people pretend to be wise facing sorrow. What do they know about my feeling? What do they understand about my grief?

Now and right now, the tears keep falling inside and sometimes it flows out as I've lost a very important person I'm fond of. Everything the person always did to me, nobody will do it the same, or
even they do obviously it won't feel the same. And just like every mourning, I don't know how many tomorrows will be enough to heal and help me recovered.

There is no longer anyone who will tell the story of Doctor Chandra from my childhood. There is no longer anyone who will tell me how afraid I was to be surrounded by onions. There is no longer anyone who will tell me that I used to cross my legs as I laid back when I was a baby. There is no longer anyone who will cook the real Rendang Padang for me.

And there are still a lot I have yet to give. Taking you to my graduation day, showing you my white MD coat with the title on the badge, treating you from my very first salary, and most of all to thank you to have raised my mom very well so that my mom then raised me with every teaching of yours.

Now all I can say is, I bid thee adieu, Grandmother. It was just last month I met you and last month you had your 79th birthday, and now you've left us since 3 days ago. It feels too soon and I still cannot let go of, but no matter how hard I wish for you to return to life, that won't happen.

We all are grateful to have ever had you to be with us. You were poor but sacrificed anything of yourself to raise your children. Even until your last breath, you still couldn't enjoy the luxury this world offers. Even so, you did your best taking care of everyone, even you were the one who took care of some of your grandchildren and made them literally and physically fat, which none of your own children could do so. And you had been taking care of Grandfather with his Diabetes for 17 years without failure at all. It was you and you who could do so.

Now you're gone leaving us, and everything changes.



R.I.P. Grandmother.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
― Thomas Meehan