What 20 Has Been For Me, For You, For Us?

As the entitled post saying, I almost run out of time, of 20. Of course it also applies to many of friends in my surrounding; in fact, some of them have already lost their 20.

Now let's play being a philosopher again. It's always fun, isn't it? Because every part of life always has its own meaning to, why don't we just take a seat with a cup of coffee or perhaps tea (in case you don't favour coffee) and then have some contemplation? Reflection to life lesson.

What has 20 been for you? What has it been like for us? What lessons have been learnt? We always have our own stories.

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20 indeed has brought some awakenings I never had before in my teens, not really novel but definitely surprising. So who said life is too mainstream and monotone? Don't trust him!

Me personally, has been taught about Fate itself even more profound, about the true Happiness, and Death. For a year of growing up, I think it's quite lessons I've received. Now let's have some elaboration.

What kind of Fate I referred above?

Still remember my post about how I finally reconciled with reality, accepting that now I'm a medical student despite my interest isn't here and being in  med-school made I must sacrifice myself?

I had attempted for a year to be expelled from school by not attending exams (though I did study for), my marks got so bad that it didn't pass requirement for continuing the rest semesters. But simply by few simple sentences, my mom asked for dispensation to the dean and he granted it away without second thought. Few hours after, I got a house to rent (previously I had been living in a boarding house, one person one small room), then I could finally have proper life like when it had been from when I was little until high school. And that day I got a private-motorcycle-taxi driver that would take me anywhere I asked and anytime I wanted that I only needed to text him. All my plan for a year was crushed in only a day.

Now that I think of it again, perhaps I've always been destined to be in medical school, I couldn't quit no matter how hard I tried to. I'm fated to be here and I won't be able to escape. Fate once again has taught me about the future and destiny that I cannot control nor alter, it's not mine and will never be in my possession to be playing God. Now things have got so much better and I live my life without much complaining.

Next about simple Happiness.

Well, It has been almost a year that I'm no longer active in AMSA, and it has been some months I got rid of SEF Debate Club from my life (I've got personal reasons to have clash with other members). It was quite unfortunate events in one hand, but it teaches me something in other hand.

For like 2 years, I had been pretty much abandoning my own personal indulgence. I rarely went home, I rarely had me-time, I rarely did nothing-for-good,  I mostly spent time of mine only for AMSA and SEF, either action or thinking. But after I lost AMSA & SEF, I've got so much time for myself, to go home, and to play around for my very own indulgence.

I've realized I had so much let myself in unhappiness, sacrifice myself too much that I forgot my own necessity, forgot my old friends and forgot my family. This almost one year is quite a blessing that I could finally meet Eka, Stacey, Erwin, went to CC, I can come to Starbucks everytime I want to, be active in this blog again, could have story-sharing with friends, and many more things I couldn't do when I was so active in AMSA and SEF. I'm not saying I regret to be in AMSA & SEF; in fact, it's a big joyfulness. I just think I could've done better, managing myself and my time for both others and myself.

There's no point in making others happy but ourselves in pain. Moreover, this also reminds me to my reason why I chose leaving hometown, Bogor, going to a new High School in Jakarta. I left my best friends and the one who was the fond of me, despite them telling me not to go. What I regret is not the fact I went to high school in Jakarta, but the fact I didn't apologize to them and also the reason why I chose to leave: for success (and sentimental happiness/feeling was merely a hindrance). Now I've learnt that I was wrong.

The last, Death.

Sounds scary but true. Wait!! I'm still alive. How come I learn death?

As we're getting older, we must be used to death. People around us, one by one starts to be gone, proceeding to the last phase of life: death. If it's not people who we know, it may be relatives of people we know. Sadness keeps coming, no longer like when we were small that everything was always fine and simple. Life starts to feel so incomplete as we keep losing some people.

Fate, Happiness, and Death. The story perhaps has just begun, there's still a lot more to come.

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What about others? I've been asking some friends about the meaning of 20 for them. And here are some answers:

1. to value and to respect money by efforts, and not easily spend it for nothing.
2. to respect the moments we now have with people we love like family and friends, because we don't know when it will end.
3. to be honest to oneself that love comes without we expect no matter whom we fall for; it might be wrong person, but our heart is true and nothing we can do about despite every worry.
4. to learn to be patient in dealing with people because we cannot expect everyone to be nice to us.
5. to push aside our ego when it comes to romance; it's always about two people in a relationship, not only oneself.
6. to be thankful for what we have and what we are; sometimes when we are jealous of others, it's them who are jealous to us and most of times people are not as much good as we think so it's good that we don't get what they have because it may turn us into them, the very person we might not want to be.

I believe everyone has their own stories about their 20. Many things they learn and it must be nice lessons. So what's your story? what has 20 been for you?