They call it as "Sincerity"

About 2 months have passed. Much to tell but let's see what I can do here.

Never thought before that practically it's true, true peace comes from balance. Philosophically I always know, either by reading or contemplation, but exercising mind to action is totally different. Reality is never as easy as thinking, despite world's order is made by great thinkers.

Now take a look to the case: Why the hell couldn't I understand sooner, that being a medical student is not that difficult? Why wasn't I able to accept my calling?

But lest regret conquers me, I am what I am because of what I was.

Sometimes freedom is not always about leaving, but freedom is to stay.

It takes sincerity to let myself live not my own dream, to make myself dream someone else's dream. It's not easy, but it's the path I have to pass through.

I'm not saying I'm
the smartest kid ever now; not saying I'm all fine nor my marks are perfect. They're not at all, in fact. All I want to say is, things now are so much easier than they were before. I can feel calmer inside, can worry not about nothing, can fulfill my responsibilities better. Not to mention, I can enjoy my life far better now. It no longer feels like burden. It's simply part of me.

At first I thought this deal meant I had to leave my world at all. No more debating, no more adjudicating, no more Chinese lesson, no more non-academic achievements. But hell no!! I was wrong and too much judgmental towards others. Last night, I talked it to my parents. I bargained for their permission whether I could still have Chinese lesson and my every English activity, because after these few months I came to consciousness that I could quit anything but them both, as for now. Frankly said, those both are now my attachment. I couldn't resist them. And not surprisingly, they agreed as long as I don't have to leave my school schedule, as for this reconciliation phase. I will still have to learn life management better before I jump to the extent of real balance.

Now, I can study, I can learn anatomy, I can go starbucking, I can debate, I can adjudicate, I can join MUN, I can still have my Chinese class, I can enjoy life, I can keep dreaming big, I can compete with those inspiring people I've met that I don't want to lose to them, I can kick ass, I can break the leg, I can blow the mind, and I can proceed to be good at them all. I will be world's legend, and my path to it now is wider and more visible.

Stevensen, Mark, Adhit, Jeong-Soo, Edward, Darren, Caessar, Ratna, Thalita, Tommy, Aurelien, Oprah, Ban Ki-Moon, just you all wait for my rising. I won't lose against you all, and be more inspiring than you are, and can inspire others just the way you do.